


Cough it Out

by SnitorisSnape



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Actual Sickness, Alternate Universe - Hawai'i, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety Disorder, Explicit Language, Heartsickness, Humor, M/M, Too Much Disney, in the form of a cold, this sounds pretty angsty but I promise it's got dorks and fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-16
Updated: 2016-06-16
Packaged: 2018-07-13 23:54:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7143659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SnitorisSnape/pseuds/SnitorisSnape
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Riku and Sora have been growing apart since Riku’s high school graduation last spring.</p><p>Riku’s fully aware it’s one-sided and self-inflicted, but that’s what makes it so painful.</p><p>(In which Sora just naps a lot because he’s got a fever, and Riku just watches Disney movies because Sora keeps putting them on, and lots of emotions happen and eventually they are addressed.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cough it Out

**Author's Note:**

> Alright so this was supposed to be something really brief for my AU idea of Sora Is Not The Keyblade Master But Just a Kid Who Really Loves Disney but Kingdom Hearts has been an important part of my life since I was 8 so I guess I had a whole lot more to say then I thought. Also making it take place in Hawai'i added a lot more to it. Though this is an alternate universe where there is a ferry between Maui and Big Island LOL because that concept was introduced back when I still thought the story was going to take place in Destiny Islands.
> 
> \------------------------
> 
> _All the branches on the tree_  
>  _That we carved our initials in seem to bend and take the shape of them_  
>  _And oh, can’t you see?_  
>  _I am delusional with love I am delusional with love I am delusional with love_  
>  Cough it Out - The Front Bottoms

A pendulum. 

The word popped into Riku’s head and made itself at home there. It was an accurate metaphor for how he was feeling, even if he hated to acknowledge it. He didn’t want to admit to anyone, himself included, how much of a wishy-washy mess he was being. One moment excited, because it had been such a _damn long_ time.The weight was swinging forward, his steps felt lighter and the overstuffed backpack slung over his shoulders seemed to have mysteriously lost a pound or two. He bit at the inside of his cheek to suppress a huge, dorky grin because huge, dorky grins weren’t really his thing. Riku wasn’t as inclined to constantly making a public spectacle of himself like certain dorky-grinners he knew of.

But then the next moment that all drained away and he just felt tired. And guilty. Because he was the reason why it had been, truly, such a _damn long_ time. The weight swung back and Riku felt the straps digging into his shoulders and his sweat-soaked socks rubbing blisters into his heels.

The swinging continued as he made his way up to his old high school. The walk was a short one in theory, but a long one in experience. It was uphill, for starters, and it was always suffocatingly humid in town regardless of weather. That was one of the things all businesses dependent on tourists liked to keep under wraps, “Island Paradise” life was humid as fuck.

Not even the locals were aware of this secret, because few had gone anywhere else to experience what it was like to inhale air that wasn’t heavy and wet. Riku had to discover this on his own last year when his honor roll status got him all sorts of free college fly-in visits. There he finally had been able to experience those long-awaited and desperately-yearned-for Other Places, before he surprised everyone and chose to take up residency in a school that was only an hour long ferry ride away.

The guilt gnawed at him again because an hour long ferry ride away held no good excuses for never visiting his two best friends. He kicked at the crosswalk button a little harder than necessary, which did nothing to improve the shitty feeling washing over him. But then he remembered this was the last intersection before the school and couldn’t help the excitement that came with the proximity.

The plan had been to meet at the library after the school day ended, but the ferry had left earlier than expected and the public bus from the port to downtown had, shockingly, been on time. So Riku had arrived before the end of class and decided to wait for his friends at the school.

When he made it to the gates he leaned against the wall to wait just as the bell rang throughout the campus. The schoolyard began filling up with excused students. Riku scanned the crowd for light red hair (that was fairly hard to miss) or outrageously unkempt bedhead (that was impossible to miss.) He tried to ignore that the pendulum now seemed to be broken. He felt simultaneously awful and enthusiastic, like a dog in a car when she was unsure if this was a trip to the beach or a trip to the vet. 

Riku saw a flash of red out of the corner of his eye, and turned to see Kairi, hurrying along with her bag pulled over one shoulder, waving goodbye to a group girls with her phone in hand. Riku straightened up from his slouch against the gate, smile creeping across his face. She rushed passed him, hastily pulling on headphones.

“Kairi- Hey, Kairi!” He called. The girl gave a start before turning around and looking up at Riku. There was confusion in her stare, but only for a moment. It fell away and was replaced by a scowl.

“ _Shit._ ” She huffed, pulling out her headphones.

Well, that wasn’t what Riku had been expecting at all, even if it may have been what he deserved. His eyebrows shot up past his bangs. “Wow, Kairi,” was all he could say.

She waved her hands in a panicked manner. “No, no, sorry! I’m sorry. It’s not like I’m not happy to see you. It’s just...” She inhaled slowly and pinched at the bridge of her nose. “I see you didn’t get my texts.”

“Uh…” He reached for his pocket, pulling out his phone to see that it was dead to the world. “I guess I didn’t. What were they about?”

“I was hoping I could catch you before your boat,” Kairi sighed, “It turns out I have a paddling meet today and no one felt like telling me about it until like, this morning,” she paused for a second to look annoyed at her flakey paddling club before adding, “and the guidance counselor is making re-write all my essays for an application that’s due _monday._ And Sora’s sick.”

Riku was speechless for the second time in their brief conversation. “Sora’s sick?” He asked. But felt like that didn’t really convey his question, so he had to repeat, “ _Sora_ is _sick?_ ” 

Because Riku had known that boy since kindergarden and couldn’t recall him ever getting sick. Sora said it was because colds only affected the weak. Kairi said it probably had to do with Sora’s photic sneeze reflex. Riku held by the belief from Sora’s heritage that idiots can’t catch colds. Sora punched him on the arm every time he said it.

“I guess so.” She started laughing. “When I texted him why he wasn’t in homeroom he just said to tell you to cancel our plans, and sent-” She fiddled with the phone in her hand for a moment, then turned it around to show Riku, “-this picture.” It was a massive pile of kleenex piled on top of a barely visible, but familiar carpet next to an equally barely visible, yet familiar Minnie Mouse waste basket that was overflowing with tissues.

“Ew.” Riku shuddered.

“Right?” Kairi smiled fondly. “Why is our boy so nasty?” She locked her phone and placed it in her bag. When she looked back up at him again her smile faltered. “I’ve got a ton of application stuff I need to do this weekend, I don’t know how much time I’ll have to hang out. What are you going to do?”

Riku shrugged. “Uh, I guess I should just come back next weekend?”

Kairi blinked in surprise. “You think you’ll have the time?”

Riku’s gut twisted. He would probably have the time. Would he have the ability to overcome all guilt piling up over the months a second time? That was a maybe- the kind parents say when they don’t feel like saying no. Riku shrugged again, and had to avert his gaze. “I think I’ll see when the next boat home is.”

“Alright.” Kairi, shifted back on her heels. “God, I’m so sorry this had to happen- and right when you actually had a chance to come over!” Riku tried not look guilty at that. “Damnit!”

“Yeah,” He sighed. “I guess I’ll see Sora before I head out.”

“Okay,” Kairi sounded about as dejected as she looked. “That’s probably for the best.”

Riku was about to say something along the lines of a goodbye when Kairi reached up to wrap her arms around him in a big, tight hug. “It’s really good to see you.”

“Yeah, you too.” He said, hugging her back.

“I really hope you can make it out here next weekend, then.” Kairi said after they pulled away. “But I’m going to be late for padding now so I have to run, tell Sora I said hi,” She told him, putting in her headphones again and running off.

“I’ll also tell him not to send people pictures of used kleenex!” He called after her.

Kairi turned around to laugh, “Please do!” before returning to her initial hurried state.

Riku watched her go, waving over her shoulder until she was gone and he was just standing outside a public high school surrounded by gaggles of students, none of which he recognized anymore.

The weight was in a swung back position as Riku resigned himself to stay true to his words and go see Sora. It was kind of pathetic, having to resign himself to seeing his best friend instead of just being excited about it. He set off in the direction of Sora and his mother’s shared apartment before he could overthink it too much. It was, thankfully, downhill.

*

It was only about ten minutes and another gallon of sweat lost before Riku was knocking at the very familiar apartment door. There was some shuffling, then some footsteps, then the door opening.

“Riku!” Sora’s mom cried out, quickly opening the door wider to let him in. “Didn’t you get my call?” She didn’t bother with saying ‘come in’ or ‘make yourself at home,’ because those words became unspoken when you’ve known a boy since he was five. Riku felt relieved that not visiting for months hadn’t changed that, at least. He toed off his shoes and socks before shutting the door behind him, looking around the living room.

The apartment was as he remembered it, depending on the memory. All the furniture and appliances were in their usual places, but everything was a little less organized and there were out of place items here and there. This version of the apartment resembled the memories he had for the times when Sora was either too busy with something to clean up after himself, or when his mother was too busy with work to nag Sora to clean up after himself.

Judging from the fact Sora was allegedly (alleged Riku still couldn’t believe Sora had actually caught a cold) sick and the way his mother was running about in a hurry, cramming things into her purse, he determined that this mess was a combination of both of those factors.

“Sora’s really sick.” She informed him, which should have confirmed it but Riku couldn’t help holding onto his doubt about that. “He-” She paused to pat at her pockets before giving a frustrated huff and emptying her purse out on the dining table. “Sorry, you caught me right out the door.” Riku wondered if his karma from never visiting was taking the form of inconveniencing literally everyone when he finally came.

“Anyway, I know this throws a wrench in you spending the night.” She sorted through the purse contents. “Can you stay at your parents?” Riku knew she didn’t suggest Kairi’s because no way would that girl’s father approve of a co-ed sleepover, even when he knew they were both legal adults, and in Kairi’s case, not at all interested in him, and in his case, really gay.

“They’re in Oahu on vacation.” He replied, fiddling with his backpack strap to distract from the guilt.

“Oh.” She frowned, not looking up from the table. “That’s nice for them, but where are you supposed to go?” She sighed. “Well, I can give you money for the boat back.” At this she picked up her wallet and began rummaging, ignoring Riku’s protests that he didn’t need anything.

“It’s such a shame,” She said, counting out the bills. “Twenty five, right?” She cut off more protests with, “You should definitely see him before you go though, he’s in his room. That might cheer him up a little- oh, there’s my keys.”

“I can’t believe he actually got sick.” Riku voiced, hands gripping at his straps so she couldn’t shove her the bills into them.

“It’s pretty uncommon, huh?” Her tone was conversational, but her eyes were narrowed because he wasn’t taking the money that she was holding out for him. “The timing is so bad. He was heartbroken about it, saying that he just had to get sick when he _finally_ gets to see you again.”

All of Riku’s internal organs turned to lead, his hands slipping from his straps to fall lamely at his sides. Sora’s mom took this as an opportunity to stuff the money into his hand.

“He seemed more bothered by texting you cancel than when he threw up twice.” She told him, her eyes filled with maternal grief. Riku’s guts were now something even heavier than lead. “He kept saying he could still go meet you at the library later until the second time. After he realized he was too sick he just kept yelling ‘stupid cold!’” Her lips twitched with a sad smile. “Isn’t that so like him?”

“Can I still spend the night?” The words tumbled out before Riku knew he was going to ask them.

She stopped, surprised. ”Not you too! He definitely isn’t up for it.”

“No, not so we can go to the skate park or hiking tomorrow with Kairi or anything,” Riku quickly amended. “Just…” here he shrugged, stopping before he could voice his the rest of the sentence. ‘Just to be with him.’ was too pathetic to even think, let alone say aloud to Sora’s _mother._

A grin slowly spread up across her face, crinkling her eyes. Sora had gotten that enormous smile from her, Riku was sure of it. She pushed her hair that had fallen out of her ponytail behind her ear. “Well, I feel bad about making you stay here to take care of him, but I’d honestly feel a lot better if he had someone to look after him while I’m at work.” She hesitated. “But are you sure you want to spend your weekend like this?”

Riku flashed her his best parent-winning smile. He had a really good one, no parents stood a chance against him. It was why borderline conservative mothers still loved him even after they were aware he had no plans to marry any of their daughters. Sora had a pretty good one too, which was also why he was still adored by all parents after announcing himself as, quote, ‘really bisexual.’

She chucked. “Well then, of course you can spend the night. I’d love you to.” She returned to the table, stuffing everything back into her purse. “I’m just sorry it’s not under better circumstances.”

Riku waved aside her concerns as she slung her purse over her shoulder and rushed back towards the door. Before she left, she reached up, (she really did have to reach because even Kairi had surpassed this woman’s height by the time she was fourteen) and gave him a brief, but crushing hug. “Call me if you need anything, Riku.” Were her last words before she began running out the door, impressively fast in a pencil skirt and heels.

Riku put the money on the table, hoping she wouldn’t have another chance to force it onto him.

*

When Riku was in middle school, full of angst and judgement, he had been wildly embarrassed by his best friend’s bedroom. Back then Riku had been a junior high student in a small town with a tendency to take out his insecurities on those around him. As a result, he had held by the belief that it was not at all appropriate for a boy to own _that_ many stuffed animals or disney princess posters.

Now Riku was nineteen and had been over his boy-kissing insecurities and penchant for projecting them onto others for a long time. So now he just held by the belief that it wasn’t appropriate for anyone, regardless of gender, to own _this_ many stuffed animals or disney princess posters.

Sora’s bedroom looked like a Disneyland gift shop. The wall was so covered in bright and vibrant posters of wide eyed heroines and animals it was hard to tell the color of the wood behind them. The shelves were stacked with nearly every blu-ray or DVD the big mouse corporation had released since Steamboat Willie in 1928. The bed in the corner by the window had a Lion King comforter and more Winnie the Pooh and Oliver and Company plushies than Riku wanted to count.

However, there were a few things that stopped the room from looking totally like a merchandise store, like the desk scattered homework and dirty dishes, or the clothing and pair of sneakers strewn across the floor. Or like the backpack and rollerblades that had been thrown carelessly into corner, and an unwashed Judo gi in a pile right in front of the doorway, left there for someone to trip over.

The most noticeable thing was Sora himself, sitting on his bed, wrapped up in a makeshift nest of blankets, pillows, stuffed animals and enough used kleenex to start a fire that would burn down the Kona desert.

Sora looked half-dead, a laptop resting on his knees and headphones in as he sneezed, wrapping the blankets around himself. He didn’t notice Riku at all, which was why Riku was still standing there, not saying anything, mouth dry and breathing through his nose as he tried to calm down the game of jump rope happening in his stomach. 

“Hey,” Riku decided to start with, sliding his hands into baggy jean pockets, forcing himself to relax.

Sora raised his head and finally caught sight of Riku. His wide eyes grew to an impossibly wider size and his smile was showing off white teeth and metal and neon blue bands and in less than a second he was standing up, computer forgotten, calling out “Riku!”, arms already pulling in Riku for a crushing hug.

“Hey.” Riku repeated, chuckling airlessly as his lungs were smashed. Sora had wrapped himself even around Riku’s backpack, pinning his arms to his side in a way that made it so Riku had to use a great deal of effort to awkwardly try to get his arms around Sora too.

Sora was so warm, and his hair was so soft and it felt so _good_ to be near him after all that time spent away that Riku was suddenly breathless for an entirely different reason than the aggressiveness of Sora’s hug.

But then Sora sneezed and Riku winced as he felt it dampen the front of his shirt. He noticed Sora was really, really, _really_ warm- to the point where it was concerning. Riku also began to wonder if the reason Sora was clinging onto him so tightly was not just because he missed him, but also because he was trying not to fall over.

Sure enough, when they broke apart Sora was wobbling and clutching at Riku’s side to stop himself from careening sideways. “I’m so dizzy.” Sora grumbled, placing a hand to his head. “Also, sick.”

“I noticed,” Riku chuckled, reaching down for the laptop once Sora had let go and Riku was sure he was stable enough to not faceplant onto the messy floor. The computer seemed to be fine, it was probably used to this kind of abuse from him by now. Riku placed it on the bed, in one of the few areas that wasn’t totally laden with tissues. “Since when do you get sick?”

Sora collapsed onto the mattress. “Since now, I guess. It sucks.” Then he blinked at Riku, head tilted to the side like he had only noticed him now. ‘Wait, what are you doing here? Didn’t you get my texts? Mom said she would call you, too.”

Riku sighed, “My phone died.”

A brief fit of violent coughing later Sora asked, voice a bit more strained, “What are you going to do? Aren’t your parents in like, Oahu or something?”

“Yeah.” Riku frowned as he pushed a cluster of tissues of the bed to sit down. “And I’m going to be spending the night.”

“Really?!” Sora cried, eyes crinkling up with a big grin. That damn smile was probably as infectious as his cold.

“Yep,” Riku winced as he had to move even more tissues so he could lean back against the wall. “I’m playing doctor for your mom while she’s at work.”

Sora did something that sounded like it was supposed to be a sarcastic snort but had turned into a sniffle. “Nah, you just couldn’t stay away.” He croaked, managing to get some smugness into his raw voice.

Riku gave Sora a lopsided smile because what he said was true, but Riku changed the subject because Sora didn’t need to know that. “So how’s your first cold treating you?”

That took the smugness right out of him. “It’s awful!” He wrapped the blankets around himself even tighter. “ I think this is what dying feels like. Plus I’m seeing like… three of you.”

He did seem pretty bad. Even after sitting down he was still swaying slightly, and was shivering although his room felt plenty hot to Riku. Riku bit back whatever sarcastic remark he was about to make in favor of gently placing the back of his hand over Sora’s forehead. “Let me know if you need anything.”

“Thanks,” Sora leaned forward against the hand. Riku tried to ignore the way that made his stomach squirm.

*

It seemed Sora had been fighting pretty hard to stay coherent, because about a minute after Riku told him he was staying, Sora was out like a light.

It was almost a relief, because every moment Sora was awake and looking at him with those fucking eyes and giving him that fucking smile Riku felt like he needed to tear open his chest and punch his heart until it started working properly again.

Because here was the reason Riku hadn’t shown his face on this island in months. He just couldn’t deal with the way being around Sora made his heart _ache_ like he was some sort of melodramatic, angst-filled YA literature. Well no, that wasn’t true. He could tolerate the aching. The issue was he couldn’t hide it.

Sora was a hands-on person, and probably had less of a grasp on the concept of personal space than the next guy. It didn’t just make Riku feel like a total weirdo to have his heart race when his best friend did innocuous and innocent Sora Things like grab at the arm of whoever he was talking to when he started to get really excited mid-conversation, Riku was also worried he was too obvious about it.

Ever since Riku’s high school graduation last spring, the way he looked at Sora had changed. Slowly but surely, the way Sora thought seriously before an orthodontist appointment about what color to choose for his brace’s bands went from kind of amusing to downright charming in Riku’s opinion. And Riku still rolled his eyes at the dozens of stupid snapchats Sora sent everyday, but he found himself always looking forward to the next one. 

Plus, when Sora would randomly ambush him to practice his nage-waza, Riku always ended up with his ass on the ground, his once perfect reflexes now hindered by a sudden onslaught of panicky, gay thoughts. And the smirk Sora gave him after managing to knock him over, well, even if Riku still retaliated by tackling him, that didn’t change the fact it made his knees weak. But even if Riku was apprehensive he might die from an aneurysm every time Sora touched him, he could live with it. What he couldn’t live with was Sora finding out.

Riku wasn’t even sure why it terrified him. It wasn’t like Sora was going to judge him for liking guys. Riku had already panicked about that back in freshman year, which turned out to be the most ridiculous of all panics he had ever had in his life. After Sora had talked him down from his anxiety attack, he kept reassuring him that it didn’t _matter_ and that he kind of already knew and that Riku was the only one was beating himself up about this. 

Sora had never been particularly patient, which is why it meant all the more to Riku that he had been willing to keep calmly repeating that everything was okay late into the night until Riku felt like an idiot for ever being worried in the first place. The next day in homeroom, Sora, looking a little tired for staying up with him so late, had leaned over the desk and whispered, “Me too.”

Riku glanced down at Sora. He had fallen asleep sitting up, but was starting to lean sideways. Riku took his laptop off the bed before Sora could knock if off again. It was kind of awkward to tuck him in, but Riku pushed those feelings aside because he didn’t want Sora’s cold to get worse.

This is what Riku had signed himself up for, afterall. Spending his weekend with someone unconscious and shivering. He sat down on the floor and started digging through his backpack for his phone charger.

Sora stirred a little on the bed, and Riku glanced up at him. Riku could practically feel the heat radiating off him, and was amazed he could still be shivering under all those blankets and wearing (Riku snorted when he noticed) his Hercules pajamas.

Riku considered the boy lying next to him. Sora wasn’t the judgemental type. He loved his friends with a startling devotion and was capable of forgiving people for things that Riku would put them on a You’re Dead To Me list for. Sora wouldn’t turn his back on his best friend.

Right?

Riku frowned, pulling out the charger and looking around now for an open outlet. It took him awhile to find one because the room was such a mess, stray clothing keeping them hidden.

Sora and Kairi were still thick as thieves and peas in a pod or any other metaphor that described two people as close and in sync as they were- probably even more so now that a large amount of their friends graduated last year. There was no awkwardness between them, laughter always coming easy in conversation, always comfortable leaning on one another when shade was sparse on a hot day- which was everyday, because life was hot and wet and humid. No one would have ever guessed they were exes.

Though, maybe exes was just a technicality, Riku thought as he fiddled with his stupid dollar store charger, trying to get the dang thing to work, promising himself he’d buy a new one at the soonest opportunity even though deep down he knew he was just going to keep forgetting and continue living with an always half-charged phone.

Riku wasn’t sure if they considered each other exes, since junior high relationships didn’t really count. Especially since they only lasted a week until Kairi told Sora he just wasn’t ‘boyfriend material’ and it only took four hours of playing Riku in Smash Bros Brawl before Sora was over it. Sometimes Kairi or Sora would bring it up and joke about it. That should prove that Sora wasn’t the type to let awkwardness get in the way of things.

Right?

Riku pinched at the bridge of his nose, wishing he could turn off that continuous second guessing. That voice constantly on standby, always ready to trip up his mental footing, perpetually disregarding all evidence that the majority of his fears were entirely based in paranoia. That voice that had gained so much power in his sophomore year of high school that his parents had to reconsider their belief that there was no such thing as a mental illness, and had gone as far as letting him see a psychologist that prescribe him those pills that had made Riku everlastingly tired and nauseous. 

The period of his life taking medication didn’t last very long, Riku prefered constantly walking on eggshells to constant dizziness. Things had started getting better after that anyway, the silver lining of the situation being Riku was finally able to realize that there was something wrong, so it had been easier to identify the problems since.

The charger couldn’t keep up the connection for longer than a few seconds. Riku gave up, he’d just ask to borrow Sora’s when he woke up. Sora snored loudly.

*

Ten minutes ticked by and Sora still showed no signs of waking. He snored a lot. He sneezed in his sleep a handful of times. He pushed a pillow off the bed, probably practicing Judo in his sleep again or something.

Despite the claims of every teenage love story ever, there was nothing charming or enlightening about watching someone sleep, no matter how madly in love with them you were. Anything more than a brief glance and a passing thought of ‘What a drooling loser’ or ‘They’re kinda cute’ just made Riku feel criminal and sinister and then, eventually, bored. 

After lying on Sora’s floor for about a minute of being anxious about nothing in particular, followed by a minute of boredom, Riku had pulled out his homework from his bag. It wasn’t very fun in terms of things to do at a friend’s house on a friday afternoon, but it beat staring at the carpet.

*

After about an hour of textbook reading that may actually have been less preferable to staring at carpet fibers, Riku felt a blanketed Sora lean against him.

“‘Sup?” Riku asked, turning from the work. Sora just held his head in his hands, apparently quite shaken up by the change from lying on the bed to sitting on the floor..

“My head is spinning.” Sora coughed out with the words with great effort. He looked at Riku, and it seemed as though even just keeping his eyes open took great effort. Heck, just existing looked like it was taxing on Sora’s body. “And everything kinda looks like it has the texture of The Bee Movie?”

“You need anything?” Riku inquired, choosing to just ignore last sentence. Sora just pushed his sweaty head up against Riku’s shoulder and shook his head. Riku had hoped that Sora being all gross and infected would make him less adorable, but he was at about the same level as before. And extra inclined to cuddling, it seemed. “Then you should go back to bed.”

“Geh, I got bored.” Sora grumbled and Riku wondered how it was even possible to be bored while unconscious. “Wait, can you get my laptop?”

“Alright.” Riku tried to reach for it without moving too much, as Sora was currently slumped onto his side for support. He handed it to Sora, who logged in before setting it on the floor (Riku had already long given up explaining not to do this for sucking up dust and overheating reasons.)

Sora opened up his massive file of HD movie downloads, ignored Riku’s question of why he bothered to buy the physical copy if he was just going to pirate them like a normal person, and started playing Mulan.

“What, you haven’t seen this like a million times already?” Riku asked, and Sora glared at him like he just said Li Shang wasn’t bisexual. 

“It’s a fine cinematic masterpiece, Riku.” Sora huffed.

“I’m kidding, you know I like Mulan.” Riku assured him, and it was true- even if the affection he had for the movie had beaten into him.

*

Somewhere around the matchmaker shaming Mulan, and quite out of nowhere, Sora told him, “I wish I could drop out of highschool.” 

Riku at first surprised because he thought Sora had fallen asleep again, and then surprised again by his words. Riku was about to pause the movie before remembering they had both seen it a hundred times so there really wasn’t any point. Riku stopped himself from saying ‘since when?’ because the answer would obviously be since somewhere during Riku’s long absence. Instead he said, “I don’t think you’re cute enough to survive in this world without a diploma.”

Sora scrunched up his nose. “Liar, I’m adorable and you know it.” He was quiet for a moment before announcing, “I’m going to drop out and become a Disney Park Prince,” then he nodded, deciding this was the best decision. 

Riku laughed. “Which one?”

Sora paused to consider. “Eric?”

“He’s so,” Riku tried to find the right word. “Basic. You can do better.”

Sora looked back at the screen for awhile. Mulan wiped off her makeup and belted out the last line to ‘Reflection.’ “Li Shang!” He exclaimed.

Riku looked up at the ceiling and considered for a second. “Don’t you think you’d need to be Chinese?”

Sora wrapped himself up in his blankets, pouting and saying something under his breath about how being half japanese was close enough.

Mulan was dramatically cutting her hair during the best musical score in the movie when Sora suddenly startled, clutching onto Riku’s arm and practically yanking it until Riku turned to look. Sora was all wide-eyed and beaming and Riku hated himself for always getting red in the face over Sora’s excited, arm-grabbing thing. “Da-” He started to say before it lapsed into a coughing fit. Unlike the previous ones it didn’t die down after a minute, and Riku had to pry off the hand clutched onto him as Sora doubled over wheezing.

“I’m going to get water, okay?” Riku told him, trying to be loud enough over the coughing but still sound reassuring. Riku was grateful that he knew the apartment well and was able to get a clean glass and fill it with tap water and be back in the room before Mulan had taken away on Khan. (A distant part of Riku was disturbed by the fact he knew Mulan’s horse’s name.)

Sora was breathing normally by then, taking the glass with a shaky hand. He croaked out something that was probably a thank you. He made such an awful face drinking it that Riku knew it must be hurting him to swallow. He only managed to drink about a third of the glass before setting it down and Riku made sure to keep a close eye on the cup lest it spill and add to the laptop’s woes.

“David Kawena.” Sora finally said.

Riku was briefly confused until he remembered the Disney Prince conversation. “Wait, that’s actually perfect.” 

“Right? He’s probably like, hapa filipino and samoan too.” Sora’s smiled brightly up at Riku.

Riku was pretty sure there weren’t any Lilo & Stitch characters at the Disney Parks except Stitch and maybe Lilo, but he kept it to himself because it didn’t deter from the fact it was still a perfect match. Maybe the parks didn’t have a David just because they couldn’t find an actor willing to stand around in nothing but board shorts and carry a surfboard all day. Sora would be willing. Sora would look really good too. Then Riku remembered why they were even having this conversation in the first place.

“Why do you want to drop out?” Riku asked, frowning. He knew Sora wasn’t really serious so he didn’t need to actually worry. Sora wouldn’t give up his dream of getting his nursing degree and joining the Red Cross so he could travel around the world and help people over what was most likely senioritis. Still, it was disappointing to hear that the only person who was capable of enjoying himself at seven in the morning during first period P.E. was disliking school.

“Everything’s really hard.” Sora must have realized how stupid that sounded because he shoved Riku before Riku could say something witty. “Don’t look at me like that, you know I’m capable of better sentences.” He sneezed. “My head’s just kinda fuzzy.”

“I didn’t even _say_ anything Sora,” Riku drawled as if he hadn’t been planning a remark, “You’re paranoid.”

“I could see it in your eyes, dick.” Sora wrapped up the blankets to his chin and sneezed again. “Anyway, it’s just so stressful with SATs and applications and stuff. The guidance counselor is really hard to deal with.” Another sneeze. “Everyone else is really stressed out too, so it’s just this big environment of stressed teachers and stressed students. I think that’s why I got sick.” 

Sora turned to pull a tissue box from underneath a pillow on the bed and blew his nose before balling up the kleenex and throwing it in the general direction of what used to be the trashcan but was now just a white, crusty mountain. “Plus, it’s lonely without last year’s seniors.” Sora frowned, leaning on Riku again. “I miss you.”

Riku’s stomach was feeling heavy again. “I’m sorry.” He said, pathetically, because he really had no idea how to cheer up people, especially if it was his fault they were down. Then, because Sora was starting to look pretty woozy, Riku added, “I think you should go back to sleep.” Sora nodded wordlessly. He was almost dozing off before Riku realized he was going to be sitting there with nothing to do. He softly shook him, “Wait, Sora.”

“Mmm?” He slurred, head lifting up from Riku’s shoulder.

“Can I borrow your phone charger?”

*

Sora had nodded and mumbled something that sounded like ‘kitchen counter.’ By the time Mushu had broken the statue of the Great Stone Dragon, Sora was out cold again, his head rolled back and snoring gently. Careful not to rouse him, Riku got up and left the room.

He tripped over the stupid Judo gi. It had only been a matter of time. Sora should be grateful for his fever because it was the only thing preventing him from getting a piece of his mind, Riku thought as he kicked the clothing out of the doorway.

Riku poured himself a cup of water and unplugged the charger before going back to Sora’s room to watch the rest of Mulan.

*

Mulan had just re-united with her father by the time Sora, steadily leaning over in his sleep, had ended up with his head on Riku’s thigh.

When the credits began to roll Sora faintly asked, “Can you put on Hercules?” Riku nodded, his cheeks heating up, trying not to overthink the fact Sora hadn’t been asleep after all. 

He caught glance of Sora’s Tigger stuffed animal hanging off the edge of Sora’s bed. Riku had never been particularly fond it. It had vacant, beady, black eyes and a wide, lifeless smile. In his youth it had scared him. Now, he could feel it judging him.

“What?” He mouthed to it sarcastically, but he knew Tigger had seen the blush.

*

They were about two thirds through Hercules, well Riku was anyway because Sora was snoring again, when his phone started to vibrate. Riku wasn’t too worried about the sound of his voice waking up Sora, who had spent the last hour steadily sleeping through Hades’ screaming, so he answered it.

“Hi, Riku.” Kairi’s voice sounded from the other end. He could hear the ocean, whipping winds, and the distant call of a paddling chant, and knew she was still at the beach. “I’m on break, I was just wondering if you got home okay.”

“I’m still at Sora’s.” He answered, glancing down at the guy who was currently, ew, drooling.

“Really?” She sounded surprised. “Why?”

Riku felt the judging eyes of Tigger pierce him and he began to feel nervous, trying to wrack his brains for some excuse as to why he was still there with Sora asleep on his lap before he remembered he wasn’t doing anything wrong.

“I’m looking after Sora while his mom’s at work.” He told her.

“Aw, that’s really sweet of you.” Kairi cooed. “You two having fun?”

“Uh, no?” Riku narrowed his eyes at Tigger, staring back. “Sora’s been mostly unconscious.” 

Kairi laughed. “I guess he can’t always be hyper. Maybe I can stop by for a little bit to keep you company.” She sighed. “I have _so_ many essays to write.”

“If you have time.” Riku said this offhandedly even though he was tempted to beg, desperate for company that wasn’t snoring. Or staring at him with lifeless, beady eyes.

“I think have to go, they’re waving me down.” Kairi said into the receiver before calling out, _“I’m coming!_ Bye, Riku!”

“Have fun.” He replied, before the call and his brief taste of human interaction ended.

*

After the movie Riku had skimmed through every Reddit feed that mildly interested him he could think of, and was starting to feel antsy. It was oppressively quiet with no background animated musicals blaring from the battered old laptop. Instead, there was only the sound of labored, uneven breaths that were, quite frankly, deeply unsettling. Plus, Tigger was staring at him with those discriminating eyes. Riku knew Tigger saw right through him. Tigger knew there was a part of Riku that liked having Sora on his lap and the only thing stopping him from being over the moon about it was the fact of Sora’s unconsciousness and obvious physical discomfort and the fact Riku wasn’t allowed to like having Sora on his lap.

Also the fact his leg had been asleep for an hour now. He wondered if it was time to try and shimmy out from under him when Sora stirred and Riku near jumped out of his skin.

“Did you put on Hercules?” He coughed.

Riku exhaled, smiling to himself. “Yeah. You slept right through it.” 

Sora’s head raised a bit and a shaky arm slid it’s way out from the pile of blankets. His sweaty hand fumbled with the trackpad until he managed to hit replay. The all-too-familiar (because Riku had just seen this about two hours ago) opening scene began to play.

“You don’t always just sit around and watch Disney movies, do you?” Riku asked. He had never know Sora to watch them so often. At least not more than once a week, usually in the background when he played on his DS, or studied, or ate dinner with his mom.

“They’re comforting.” Sora grumbled, his voice raspy.

“That’s fair, I guess I binge watch Love Live and shit when I get sick too.” Riku replied and Sora gave a dignified sniff that Riku chose to ignore. There was no way in hell Riku’s secret fondness for the anime was somehow any more embarrassing than Sora’s unhealthy Disney obsession. “How are you feeling now?” He asked, placing a hand on Sora’s forehead. It seemed warmer. And clammier.

“Dead.” He whispered dramatically.

Riku felt phantom pins and needles sticking at his leg and he tried to shift it, which resulted in cramping. “Do you think you can get off? My leg’s falling asleep.” Well, fallen asleep was more accurate. Sora blearily sat up and Riku unfolded his leg. “Kairi might come by later.” Riku told him, remembering the call.

Sora smiled. “Oh, sweet.” He readjusted himself against the bedframe. “Hey, Riku?”

“Yeah?”

“Make me food?”

Riku frowned, he hadn’t forgotten what Sora’s mom said about the throwing up. “Do you think you can keep it down?”

“Ye-yeah.” Sora hesitated and Riku raised an eyebrow at him. “I haven’t thrown up since this morning.” He defended.

“Have you eaten since this morning?” Riku asked, and Sora shook his head. Riku considered for a moment. “Okay, I’ll make you something if you finish your water.”

“It hurts to swallow.” Sora pouted at him.

“And food won’t?” Riku countered and Sora sighed, picking up the glass and draining it with a pained expression.

“There.” He put down the glass with a pointed look at Riku. “Feed me.”

“Okay, okay.” Riku smiled, grabbing the cup and standing up, his leg a bit wobbly, still bloodless. “What do you want?”

Sora bundled himself up in his blankets and blinked innocently up at Riku. “Pizza.” Riku scoffed.

“We have an oven pizza in the freezer.” Sora seemed to be trying to blink harder and more innocently, or something.

“Sora, that’s like one of the hardest things to digest. It contains tons of dairy and it’s fatty and it’s acidic.”

“Popcorn, then.” Sora made a pained face so Riku could be sure just how badly he was hurting him. Riku wondered why he’d even bothered to ask what Sora wanted. His options had been a grand total of soup. Riku had just expected him to say, ‘I want soup,’ like a good boy. How wrong he had been.

“Sora.” Riku huffed. “Popcorn has no real nutritional value.”

Sora grumbled something in a high-pitched, mimicking voice that sounded suspiciously like, “You have no real nutritional value.”

“Yeah. Okay. You’re getting soup.”

“I hate soup.” Sora pouted, and Riku rolled his eyes because he knew Sora did not hate soup. Sora didn’t hate any food beyond arugula, or, ‘spicy lettuce’, as Sora had called it when they were children. “Hate it!” He repeated louder as Riku walked out of the room. Riku hoped there actually was soup in the kitchen, otherwise Sora would think he had won.

Riku wasn’t totally useless, he could probably make it from scratch if need be. Luckily, it needn’t, there was canned chicken noodle in the cupboard. The pots were stored in the same place under the counter, and the ladle and wooden spoons were still hanging on the rack just above the stove. 

Riku was well accustomed to cooking for himself in Sora’s house, with Sora’s mom’s busy work schedule and Sora’s polite words of ‘No, no, no. Let me do that for you, friend’ had stopped being offered to Riku sometime around fourth grade. Now it was just ‘Feed me, Riku,’ day in and day out. While the soup was being warmed up Riku popped back into Sora’s room to ask, “Hey, do you want to eat in here or in the living room?”

“I’m comfy here.” Sora replied. “I think the move would be too much for me to handle.”

Riku frowned, knowing Sora wasn’t being melodramatic for once. “‘Kay. Just don’t spill anything on the carpet.”

When he brought it in later, and Sora’s whole face lit up. “Yay, food!” He croaked happily like he hadn’t just complained about hating soup five minutes ago. He reached up out of the blankets to take the bowl.

“It’s salty, so drink some more water too.” Riku set down the refilled glass next to the blanketed mass that was Sora. Then he sat down to watch Phill train Hercules in the form of music montage again and tried not to think the way Sora slurped noodles was cute, even if a little gross.

*

Sora finished eating and Riku washed the dishes and cleaned up the counters. Sora seemed a lot less clammy and more perky after eating, and Riku had managed to make him drink two more cups of water. Sora kept demanding Riku make him more food but Riku kept saying Sora had to prove he could hold it down first. They were a third of the way through Pocahontas when Kairi stopped by.

She knocked, but in the way one does when they’re already halfway through opening the door. “Hey, boys!” She called.

“Kairi!” Sora croaked, trying to stand up to hug her but Riku tugged him down before he could make himself dizzy.

She had clearly come from the beach, wearing jean shorts and a bikini top, hair tied back and looking damp and pink from the sun. She had a towel on one shoulder and a duffel bag slung over the other. She came over to kneel next to Sora so they could hug safely on the ground. Then she pulled Riku into the hug too.

When they were done she told, “My dad was supposed to take me home on the way to his meeting, but I told him to pick me up after, so I’ll be here for a bit.” Then she looked around the room in disgust. 

“Sora, you’re sick so I’m not going to complain.” She said, and Sora looked relieved. “Riku, help me clean this up.”

Riku groaned. “I don’t like the mess either, Kairi but no way in hell am I touching his used kleenex.”

“You two used to bathe together, don’t pretend you have boundaries.” Kairi set down her bag on a clean patch of floor. “Where are the trash bags?”

“Behind the fridge.” Riku sighed, knowing Kairi was going to clean up whether he helped out or not, meaning he’d have to because otherwise he’d have to watch her work alone and feel guilty. It was a devious method she had. “I’ll show you.” He stood up.

The two of them tidied up while Sora watched Pocahontas. Kairi had even gone so far as put all the clothes on the floor in the laundry room and change the sheets. 

“There!” She cheered, bouncing down onto the clean mattress. “Don’t you feel better, Sora?”

“It doesn't make a difference to me, but I appreciate the sentiment.” Sora answered.

Kairi shrugged. “Eh, it was more for my benefit. Which reminds me-” She leaned over off the edge of the bed to dig through her duffle bag. “I asked my dad to swing by Panda’s before dropping me off here! Ta-da!” She held out a paper bag with a panda logo on it.

Riku saw Sora’s eyes light up and he was quick to say, ”Don’t give him any.”

“No, I wasn’t going to.” Kairi replied and Sora looked heartbroken. She smiled sympathetically and patted him on the back. “Sorry, Sora. I think fast food would just make you feel worse.”

“I’ll make you something else if you can hold down your soup.” Riku reminded him and Sora sighed and nodded.

“I got you some kung pao chicken, though.” Kairi said, handing Riku the plastic bowl and chopsticks.

Riku was startled by the kind gesture, taking it with a soft, “Thanks, Kairi.” Sora muttered something about being unloved and neglected.

Kairi laid down on the bed and ate her chow mein, looking at the laptop. “So, what are you two watching?”

“Pocahontas.” Riku answered.

Kairi went quiet. Riku didn’t know if it was because she put up with less of Sora’s bullshit than he did, or if she just had less tolerance for Disney because it only took her a minute to get bored and ask, “Can’t we watch a good Disney movie?”

“They’re all good.” Sora hissed. “Right, Riku?”

Riku was silent for a moment before finding the bravery to say, “Could we watch something else?”

Sora shot them both the dirtiest looks in turn before leaning forward to exit out of the movie player. He muttered, “Come into my house, disrespect Pocahontas, don’t buy me chinese food…” before he sighed dramatically and asked, “What do you guys wanna watch?”

Riku was about to say Frozen when Kairi exclaimed, “Lilo & Stitch!”

“Heck yeah!” Sora agreed, and rummaged through his massive folder of 1040p Disney movies. The opening credit began to roll and Kairi got up to turn off the bedroom lights before sitting down to watch it.

When the opening lines of ‘He Mele No Lilo’ began to play Kairi shouted “Crank it, bitch!” to Sora.

“Remember how we did this song in elementary Halua?” Sora asked, turning up the volume.

“Yeah,” Riku smiled as he looked behind him on the bed to see Kairi sitting up, doing the arm motions and swaying in time.

*

After the movie ended Sora put on The Little Mermaid, joined Kairi in lying on the bed, and promptly fell asleep before the opening song ended. Kairi sat down on the floor next to Riku.

“You’re right,” She chuckled. “He’s not exactly the most thrilling company.” Sora punctuated her remark with a snore and they both laughed. “So, how’s the med school these days?” Kairi prompted, resting her chin on her knees.

Riku sighed. “It’s kicking my ass. How's the application process going?”

Now it was Kairi’s turn to sigh. “Ass definitely being kicked in that department. I have to start working as soon as I get home.” She explained to him the number of assignments she had to do along with how vague and hard to work with the personal essay questions were.

“Yep. I definitely don’t miss being a senior in high school.” He quipped. “Do you know for sure where you’re going?”

Kairi’s face brightened significantly at the question. “Not yet, but I’m thinking for sure somewhere on the east coast.” She grinned. “My dad’s so thrilled I’m majoring in political science that he stopped trying to make me go in-state.”

“That’s great, Kairi.” He smiled. He knew her dad would have had to come around eventually. Kairi was so stubborn nothing could hold her back once her heart was set on it. “Glad you don’t have to be trapped on this rock anymore.”

Kairi gave him a funny look that made Riku remember he was a total fraud. But she didn’t say anything about it, and continued on, “We’re going to fly out over spring break to look at schools.” She paused and her expression became distant. “We might visit my hometown.”

It was always weird to remember Kairi wasn’t from the islands the same way he and Sora were. They had spent most of their lives surrounded by water and people who had never traveled across it, part of family trees they could trace back to the first boats centuries ago. Riku could remember the day Kairi had first arrived at their school, even though he had been so young. He and Sora were in second and first grade respectively, in the back of Sora’s mom’s car. She was driving the two of them home from school and asked how their day went.

“There’s a new girl in my class.” Sora piped up. “The teacher told us she moved here from the mainland. What’s that, mom?”

She laughed, glancing up at her son in the rearview mirror. “That would be the continental United States of America, Sora.”

“Is it another island?” Riku asked and she laughed even harder, clutching at the steering wheel. Sora and Riku both turned to frown at eachother. They didn’t like it when adults acted like they were smarter just because they knew more things.

“No, it’s a continent.” She informed when she had laughed herself out. “It’s far across the ocean. It’s very big.”

“Bigger than the Big Island?” Sora sounded skeptical.

“A hundred times bigger.” She assured him.

“Nuh-uh!” Sora cried. Riku stared at her with wide eyes.

Riku remembered her thoughtful frown, visible to him in the rearview mirror. “The Big Island is just called that because it’s the biggest island in the state of Hawai’i, sweetie.” She tried to explain, at a loss for words. It was such a simple concept but it was too foreign to them. “But the island of Hawai’i is very small if you compare it with other places. One of the smallest places there is.”

Riku remembered that Sora didn’t believe his mom and kept asking more questions, but Riku couldn’t remember what they were or her what she had responded with. He just remembered staring out the window, watching the landscape rush past and looking for the patches of ocean that were momentarily visible when there was a break in the trees. An indescribable feeling awoke inside of him. He tried to wrap his head around what Other Places looked like, how far away they were, and most of all, how you were supposed to get to them.

He also remembered the next day Sora invited Kairi to play with them at recess and they both hounded her with dozens questions at once and she thought she was being bullied so kicked Sora and ran away.

“Sora’s mom is trying to plan out something similar, actually.” Kairi’s words brought him back to the present with a start. “He’s really interested in Oregon schools, and she wants to take him there because she’s convinced it’ll be too cold and it’ll make him change his mind.” She giggled. “That’ll be his first time ever going to the mainland, though!” She clapped her hands together at the thought, beaming. “God, I hope they can! That’ll be so cool for him!”

Riku nodded mutely. He felt strange, remembering both his desire for travel and his childhood with his best friends. The two memories were intertwined. Days spent playing together and days spent longing for travel together. Sometimes Riku remembered he was an adult, and it was a really gross feeling. 

He had always dreamed of being old enough to set off on his own. Now here he was, fully capable of exploring far, but he hadn’t moved at all. He was just an hour away, not far from where he had started but far enough away no one could reach him. And now Kairi and Sora had reached the time when they could make their dreams of Other Places come true, and he was going to be left behind.

Kairi seemed to notice he was looking distressed because she trailed off and scooted a little closer. “Hey, you know distance isn’t going to change anything, right?”

“Sorry, I just spaced out.” He straightened up. “I’m not upset or anything.”

“Don’t need to lie to me, tough guy.” Kairi bopped his shoulder with her head. “I’m always here if you want to talk, so take advantage of that from time to time. Okay?”

Riku blinked down at the floor, not sure how to respond. Kairi didn’t seem to expect one though, because she just grinned and snuggled up next to him. She took his hand, gave it a squeeze, and then they watched The Little Mermaid together.

*

Kairi got a call from her dad soon after the movie ended. She hugged Riku goodbye, then woke up Sora because she knew he’d be upset if he didn’t get a chance to say goodbye and because she wanted to hug him.

Once she left Riku decided to make Sora more food because Sora had held everything down so far and he was whining again. Then they watched Princess and the Frog while Sora happily munched on toast. 

*

After Princess and the Frog was Treasure Planet and after that was Oliver and Co. and after that Riku found himself thinking he never wanted to see another Disney movie in his life, (a thought that Sora would consider the highest of treason,) and after that was The Lion King. Sora was still on the bed, head resting on Riku’s shoulder. Riku was starting to feel tired. Unlike Sora he had been watching the movies and not snoring through most of them.

“I think I’m going to sleep when this is over.” Riku told him.

Sora ‘awww’ed, which turned into a cough. “I’ll miss you.”

Riku rolled his eyes. “Why? I’ll see you in the morning.”

Sora gripped at Riku’s face with clammy hands. Sora’s voice took on a deeper, brooding tone that sounded nothing like Riku and he moved Riku’s lips as he said, “I will miss you as well, my darling best friend, Sora.” Then he let go, and resumed his normal way of speaking, excluding its present hoarseness. “See, was that so hard to say?”

Riku tried to shrug Sora off. “You should go back to sleep, punk.”

*

The movie ended and the credits began to roll. Riku stood up. “I’m going to shower and then set up the futon in the living room, that alright with you?”

“No, that’s not alright.” Sora was looking up at him, confused. “Why aren’t you going to sleep in here?”

“I don’t think it’s the healthiest idea to sleep in an enclosed space with a sick person.” Riku told him. “You’ve probably been contaminating me all day, I don’t want to push the limits.” He didn’t add the part about how it would make him feel like a creep.

Sora looked genuinely upset that he would be sleeping alone so Riku smiled lopsidedly at him and gave him a vigorous, two-handed hair rustle. “Just wake up if you need anything, okay?”

“‘Kay.” Sora looked up for awhile like he was studying him. Then, Sora hugged him from where he was lying on the bed, which led to arms wrapped around Riku’s waist, rucking up Riku’s shirt and Sora’s head burying into Riku’s abdomen.

Riku’s whole body tensed up as if he had been given a fatal electric shock. He managed to quell his overwhelming astonishment just in time to stop himself from clenching his fists into Sora’s hair, but not before he made a high-pitched, strangled noise. Sora didn’t seem to notice, damp nose rubbing against Riku’s stomach as he snuggled his face up against Riku’s skin. “I’m so glad you stayed.” Sora mumbled and his breath was ticklish in a way that made Riku want to rip off all of his own skin.

Riku cleared his throat then tried and failed to force his heart to behave normally. “Me too.”

They broke apart. Riku left the room. He showered. He set up the futon on the floor in the space between the couch and the television. He clutched at his pillow and screamed into it. He laid awake on his back for twenty minutes, staring up at the ceiling, biting into the back of his hand, feeling his skin burn and tried to think about anything but the way Sora made his stomach squirm.

*

Just about everyone in the graduating class of 2014 cried. There seemed to be a universal agreement not to tease anyone for it, so all the students, regardless of level of toughness they usually kept up, were free to weep as openly as they chose. 

Selphie might have been the worse, an emotional girl even on a calm day. She completely lost it at the first line of Hawai’i Pono’i; her head was tilted back, bawling her eyes out and nose streaming. Kairi had to re-do her makeup after the ceremony so she could be ready for all the photographs. Though, Kairi and Sora had been sure to get a few pictures of Selphie with running mascara because they were the type of weirdos who liked document every moment.

Wakka had been among the loudest cry-ers, even if he wasn’t as soggy as Selphie had been. Tidus had been quiet but had to wipe away tears a few times. Kairi and Sora had cried quite a bit themselves from where they sat in the audience. The two had to struggle to hold back their sobs when Riku’s name was called so they could wolf whistle as loudly as possible. 

Riku’s eyes were the only ones that remained dry from start to finish.

After lots of receiving leis from family members and friends and taking pictures with family members and friends, the seniors dispersed to go to their chosen after parties. For Riku that was the one at Wakka’s house, which Wakka’s parents had reluctantly left to him while they stayed at a friend’s for the night. 

Riku wasn’t totally sure how he had managed to convince his parents to let him go. He was even less sure how he had managed to get a curfew of two thirty. He figured maybe they had finally wrapped their heads around his age of eighteen. About time too, because it was three months before he was set to live alone.

Riku had no idea how on earth _Kairi_ had managed to get her dad to let her attend. Even if her curfew had been strictly set at eleven o’ clock.

In stark comparison, Sora’s mom had been completely lax; he wasn’t required to come home at all. She said she knew her son was a dork and wouldn’t do anything too illegal or immoral. Sora had angrily denied and said that he was a total delinquent, but Riku couldn’t help but think he had unintentionally proved her point by wearing a 101 Dalmatians shirt that day.

The party was pretty mild in terms of illegal activity, just a reasonable amount of underaged drinking and a couple of kids who got high in the backyard. As for immoral, there was only dancing in the living room, lots of laughing and conversation, and various party games in other rooms. 

Towards one in the morning the bustle of activity had slowed to a trickle, most people tired and about a fourth had gone home, (Kairi among them.) Riku was sitting on the back porch, staring up at the stars. He knew it was kind of cliche and silly, but something about them was really fascinating that night. It was probably the amount of liquor he had consumed.

Wakka came and sat down beside him, red-eyed and slapping at his knees, shaking with laughter. When he could breathe, he told Riku, “Man, I went to turn down the music ‘cuz I thought everyone was done dancin’, but Sora’s still goin’ at it.” He shook his head. “I feel little bad for gettin’ a junior so wasted, ya know?”

Riku’s lips twitched. He knew full well that Sora had barely taken one sip of Kairi’s spiked passion orange before declaring it tasted like shit and he didn’t care about getting drunk and he’d rather just have soda. Proving his mother’s point once again, the boy was dancing alone at one in the morning _sober._

Wakka told Riku to ask if he needed anything. Then, before heading back into the house, complimented Riku on his valedictorian speech again because he was so high he had forgotten he had done this three times already.

The screen door slid open again about a minute later and Riku was wondering if he should be concerned for Wakka’s brain cells if this was him coming back for a fourth time, when he felt hands slide over his eyes and someone resting their chin on his head and pressing their gross, sweaty body against his back.

“I guess Sora.” Riku deadpanned before Sora even got a chance to start the ‘guess who’ game.

Sora made an ‘awww’ sound and lowered his hands. Then he moved over to set himself down on the steps next to Riku.

“Stop being a lone wolf and dance with me.” Sora demanded, poking at a rib. He looked pretty flushed and Riku shook his head both in refusal and disbelief. Sora was not only dancing all by himself, sober, at one in the morning, but had also been dancing hard enough to work up a good sweat.

“You danced with Kairi and I earlier.” He pouted dramatically, visible in the limited amount of light spilling out from inside the house. “And you were less intoxicated then.”

“Am I intoxicated?” Riku asked. It came out a little slurred which answered his question and made Sora laugh. Riku wrinkled his nose at him. “Well, that was at the start of the party. The dance floor’s totally empty, and it’s one in the morning.” Then, even though he knew it would make Sora punch him hard on the shoulder, he added, “I’m at least sober enough to know it’s ‘Kairi and me,’ by the way.”

“So here is the proposition I offer to you today, my dedicated, hardworking district resident,” Sora continued, ignoring Riku rubbing sorely at his shoulder. Sora had straightened up, voice formal and gesturing outwards like Kairi’s dad during his campaign speeches. “You should dance with me.”

Riku leaned back and grinned lazily at him. “Yeah? How come?”

“Because your coordinations probably off and I think it would be really funny.” Riku made sure not to miss when he kicked Sora’s ankle. His coordination had been fine, but Sora was too quick for him and swung his leg out of the way. Then Sora leaned closer and huskily added, “Also because I know you really want to.”

Riku rolled his eyes as Sora waggled his eyebrows at him, but Riku knew he was right. He wasn’t sure why, but something about Sora’s flushed, excited face in the night air and dim light of the back porch made Riku want to dance with him.

“Okay.” Riku answered, deciding just to go with the feeling in the moment, which he had probably never once done before in his life. He stood up carefully. It was a little dizzying but he was relieved it hadn’t been too difficult. He didn’t want to feed Sora’s shit-eating grin anymore than he already had.

Though when Riku looked down at Sora still sitting on the steps, his expression was not of the shit-eating variety. It looked more like when he just saw a new Disney movie for the very first time. Equal parts stunned (like he couldn’t believe what was happening) and delighted (like whatever was happening was the best thing that had ever happened in the history of things.)

It made Riku’s stomach squirm. He was both relieved and disappointed to see the expression disappear as Sora pulled himself up by Riku’s offered hand. Even after helping himself up Sora didn’t let go of him, pulling him into the house, leading him through huddles of those who were asleep and those still awake. The latter cheered for Sora, congratulating him on finding a dancing partner.

Riku’s face felt hot as Sora led him by the hand, and his heart was pounding. Riku tried to figure out what was causing it as they made their way towards the living room. In the end, he just decided it was the alcohol. 

His heart still raced as they stepped into the center of the hardwood floor, the couches and tables pushed around to the edges to give more room. His palms were sweaty before they even started dancing, just looking at Sora’s bright eyes lit up by the scrolling color lamps. But once they started dancing, all those nerves melted away.

Riku had far more fun than acceptable being twirled and dipped by Sora, swung around completely out of tempo to the Carly Rae Jepsen songs blaring from the speakers. He didn’t even care that Wakka had decided it was acceptable to play an entire Carly Rae Jepsen album.

He forgot about time and he forgot the promise to be home by two thirty and he forgot how to be concerned about his phone persistently buzzing in his pocket with missed calls from his parents.

Riku decided all that was the alcohol too.

The next morning Riku woke up in an unfamiliar bedroom on an unfamiliar floor feeling unbelievably sore. His muscles ached, probably from hours of dancing that were mostly a blur. His head ached too, and he figured that was liquor-related. He also had a severe neck cramp, and he was sure that one was due to the fact he had used his backpack as a pillow last night, giving Sora his two hundred dollar gown to roll up and use for neck support. As the last two to retire for the night, the house had already been impressively stripped of anything resembling bedding. Even the towels in the bathroom had been ransacked.

Speaking of Sora, Riku shuffled to sit up and endure the sickening head rush that came along with the motion to look next to him. Sora was already up, looking tired but attentive, like he had been awake for awhile. He was sitting next to him, scrolling through his battered up iphone. Riku noted that this room seemed to be the garage, and that he and Sora were the only two in it.

“Morning, beautiful.” Sora greeted without looking up.

“What time is it?” Riku tried to say, but it came out close to unintelligible and Riku became painfully aware of how dry his mouth was alongside it tasting like a graveyard. He knew he should still have a water bottle somewhere in his bag and started to search for it.

“Eight on the nose.” Sora answered, and Riku was impressed Sora had understood his question.

After chugging half the bottle Riku capped it and asked. “What time did we fall asleep?”

Sora shrugged. “Like, four maybe? I dunno.” He looked up from his phone and smiled fondly at Riku. “You look like shit.”

“I feel it.” Riku grumbled, lying back down.

“Sour gummy?” Sora asked, and Riku looked at him again, offering the mini-bag of candy. He noticed now that Sora had a handful of candy leis at his feet that he had clearly been dissecting and that there was a pile of crumpled wrappers between them. Riku also noticed, with the greatest irritation, that they were his leis.

“Why are you eating my candy, dick?” Riku glared at him, taking the sour gummies.

Sora popped a butterfingers into his mouth and added it’s wrapper to the pile. “I’m eating all the ones you don’t like for you.”

Riku blinked at him, mouth opening slightly.

There were moments in Riku’s life when he remembered that Sora was the nicest, sweetest, most understanding person in the world and Riku was so fucking _lucky_ that they both ended up being born around the same time, in the same country, in the same state, on the same island, in the same school district, and that it was a fucking miracle that Riku was blessed with not only getting to meet him but also getting to be his _best fucking friend._

“Oh,” Sora looked down at the pile. “But I also ate all your li hing mui hard candy.” Sora added, “Sorry.”

Riku narrowed his eyes again and crushed his mouth closed into a frown. This was not one of those moments.

Sora dug another butterfingers out of the plastic netting and started unwrapping it. “I’ve got six missed calls from your mom, by the way.”

Riku nearly choked on the gummy. He had to down the rest of his water to unlodge it. When he could finally speak again all he could do was moan, “I’m so dead,” and drag his hands down his face.

Sora frowned, patting at his arm with sticky, chocolatey fingers. 

“She’s going to scream at me, Sora. She’s going to scream for hours and she’s going to do it in _Cantonese.”_ Sora nodded with a look of sympathetic solidarity. Because Sora knew. Sora _knew._ “Cantonese, Sora,” Riku repeated in a horrified whisper.

“I was looking at the pictures I took at graduation.” Sora changed the subject because he knew Riku was a dead man and because he knew there was no point in discussing it any further. No plan of action, no excuses could be made. Those only helped with regular parents. For Riku anything but a complete, grovelling confession was just going to make his grave a foot deeper when he got home. Hell, it was probably only a matter of time before one of his parents got a hold of Wakka’s to ask for the address and came there to _kill him with knives._

“Got any good ones?” Riku asked, voice cracking.

Sora smiled. “Yeah,” He showed Riku a picture of Selphie, taken at the perfect moment so that it wasn’t blurry at all despite the fact she was waving her arms like a frantic windmill. She was in danger of tipping over, leis piled so high not even the top of her head was visible. She even had more leis on her arms, pushed up to her shoulders.

Riku found himself laughing. His horror was not forgotten, but it was temporarily set aside so he could enjoy that picture. “She got a _lot.”_

“I want that many.” Sora sighed wistfully. “Make me a million leis for my graduation, Riku.”

“I’ll strip down the island until there’s no flowers left.” Riku assured and Sora gave him the sweetest smile.

Sora looked back down at his phone and continued scrolling. He laughed a little to himself at some of the pictures, but slowly his smile slipped off and he knitted his eyebrows together, looking concerned.

“What’s up?” Riku asked.

“It’s just,” Sora looked up from his phone to meet Riku’s eyes. “Between me and Kai-” He stopped when he saw Riku’s face and rolled his eyes. “Between _Kairi and I_ you shitty grammar snob, we got at least one picture everyone in the senior class crying.”

Riku laughed. “You guys are so weird.”

“We didn’t get one of you.”

Sora looked really upset by this.

Riku had several great comebacks like ‘Well, Sora, not everyone is a crybaby like you’ or ‘I had to do it in secret so you weirdos couldn't add me to your creepy crying album’ but Sora’s expression was bothering him and the sarcastic remarks all froze on his tongue. “What’s wrong with not crying at graduation?” He asked instead.

“I mean-” Sora looked away. He licked his lips. “I just realized you just didn’t get emotional during any of the senior stuff. The goodbye parties and all that.” He looked back at Riku, his expression distressed. “And, Riku, you won’t even talk to me about why you’re going to school in Maui.”

Riku felt his stomach turning and all his aching everything started to ache a whole lot worse. “Sora,” He began, struggling to keep his voice unaffected. “It’s just a tuition thing-”

 _“Don’t-”_ Sora blurted out, then stopped. He took a long, deep breath and turned to look away from Riku before he started again, voice strained. “Don’t you dare tell me that again, Riku. You wanted to get out of here more than anybody else. It’s why you nearly killed yourself working so hard to get all those scholarships.” Sora was getting louder. “So you could leave!”

Riku couldn’t look at Sora’s face. He looked down at the package of sour gummies crushed in his hands instead.

Sora laughed and it was a hollow sound, a grotesque sound that in no way resembled what a Sora laugh should sound like. “When you skyped me when you were away on all those fly-ins and told me all about San Francisco and Seattle and Boston I thought to myself that you sounded happier than I’ve _ever_ heard you sound before.” He barked out another bitter laugh. “So don’t you _dare_ tell me that you suddenly decided to attend a school in-state because of _a tuition thing.”_ He spat.

There was a long pause of painful silence. Sora took another deep breath. “I just…” His voice no longer sounded like he was angry. It just sounded tired. Riku’s gut was wrenched in knots. “I just wish you’d stop bottling everything up all the time.”

Riku looked up and through his bangs to see Sora smiling sadly at him. “You’re not as tough as you think, y’know,” Sora mumbled, and poked he at Riku’s cheek. Riku hadn’t even noticed the tears running down them until that moment.

Sora hugged him. He let Riku bury his face against his shoulder and clench at the back of his shirt with shaking hands. He just nodded and rubbed reassuring circles into Riku’s back and let Riku sob, “I’m just so scared, Sora,” and “I’m the fucking _worst,_ ” as many times as Riku needed to.

And Sora just kept hugging him, and kept saying “It’s going to be okay,” and “No, shut up, you’re the goddamn _best,_ Riku” as many times as Riku needed to hear it.

When they broke apart Riku felt embarrassed but a little better about life in general. Sora stood up, stretching and making pained faces, clearly just as affected by a night in Wakka’s garage as Riku was Sora said something about helping Wakka clean up before his parents got home, and he offered his hand to help Riku up, beaming down at him. Riku took the hand and his stomach squirmed.

They made their way into the living room where everyone else was shuffling about like corpses. Tidus commented on how he had never seen Riku high before, and Sora laughed and told everyone they were so stoned so no one would know the real reason as to why their eyes were red. Wakka handed them trash bags and Riku knew the stomach squirm had nothing to do with alcohol.

Sora sneezed about four times upon stepping into the sunlight. They picked up cups in the front yard and Riku knew his stomach had been squirming because of Sora for awhile now.

And Riku felt so terrified by this that, for the time being, his mom yelling in Cantonese suddenly seemed like nothing worth worrying about in comparison.

*

It took Riku awhile to regain awareness after being woken up. He remembered something about running mascara, 101 Dalmatians and Carly Rae Jepsen. Whatever he had dreamed about, it had left him feeling more tired than when he first fell asleep.

Riku sat up, blinking and drearily brushed off the hair that was sticking to his face. Sora was jostling his right shoulder while the DVR to the left announced it was 3:06 in blue lighting.

He rubbed at his eyes and yawned. He figured Sora was cashing in his ‘wake up me up if you need anything’ offer. “Yes? What do you need?” He asked, voice heavy with sleep.

Sora sat seiza and looked at him for awhile. Riku’s eyes started to adjust to the light, and he ran his fingers through his bangs, pushing them up out of his face. Sora looked like he had taken a shower, and was in different clothing than before, (His ‘FBI: From Big Island’ shirt that Riku still couldn’t believe Sora had decided to buy, let alone _wear.)_ Sora was looking a lot less disheveled than he had when Riku went to sleep. He was still a bit pale, but that may have been the moonlight.

Then Sora grinned sheepishly and answered him. “Company.”

Riku groaned and flopped down onto the futon. “Go back to sleep, Sora.” He ordered into his pillow.

“I’m not tired.” Riku could tell he was pouting by the sound of his voice. Riku reached out with his arm and fumbled until he found Sora’s head, then pressed the back of his hand against it.

“I think your fever broke.” Riku told the pillow. Then he rolled onto his side to look at Sora. It seemed that this lucky bastard not only hardly caught colds, but got over them quickly as well. Completely unfair.

“Whoo!” Sora pumped a fist into the air. “Cold-cured!” His cheer quickly turned into coughing.

“It is not.” Riku spat. “You’re still sick, so get some rest.”

“I told you, I couldn’t sleep. I’ve been up for a while.” The pout was back. “Is it okay if I stay out here?”

“I guess?” Riku shrugged and Sora grinned brightly. “But I won’t be staying up with you.” Riku clarified. It made no difference to Sora. He stood up and walked to the tv. Riku could tell Sora was still shaky, but it was nothing compared to before.

Before Riku could ask what Sora was doing he said, “I’ll put it on mute so it doesn't bother you.” Riku looked over his shoulder to see that the tv was now on, and displaying the Beauty and the Beast menu screen. Riku sighed.

Sora walked back and made himself comfortable laying down on the couch- which wasn’t an easy thing to do. Both Riku and Sora were too tall for it. Sora could kind of fit if he bent his knees, but his ankles still dangled off the edge. As for Riku, he had to fold in on himself completely to get his entire lanky body onto it, which was not comfortable at all. Thus the futon. 

Riku had said he was going back to sleep, but he wasn’t all that tired anymore. So instead of rolling over he just remained propped up on elbow, looking at Sora on the couch as lights from the screen behind him lit up Sora with various changing colors.

After some time Sora seemed to notice he was being watched. He blinked down at Riku and smiled. “Is your mom home yet?” Riku asked, so it would seem like he had wanted to say something and wasn’t just staring like a creep.

“Not yet.” Sora replied and Riku cringed. That woman had the most brutal hours. “But she’s probably on her way back.”

Riku nodded and couldn’t think of anything else to say so he looked down at the carpet. Sora sighed wistfully. “I love this movie. I’m telling you, Riku, I was born in the wrong reality.”

Riku smirked. “You mean you were supposed to be born in an alternate Disney universe?” Sora nodded with a serious expression. “What movie, then?”

Sora rolled his eyes. “All of ‘em, duh.”

“How would that work?”

Sora thought about it for a moment. “Okay, so. I’d have a spaceship,” Riku rolled his eyes as hard as he fucking could before Sora continued, “and each movie is it’s own planet, and I’d travel around with like, Donald Duck and Goofy.”

“That’s dumb.” Riku scoffed. “So where are Kairi and I?”

“Don’t you mean me and Kairi, hmm?” Sora asked with an expression like the Chesire Cat’s. “I believe some dick once told me that.”

“No, because if you removed Kairi the sentence would be ‘In the alternate disney universe, where am I?’ which is correct.” Riku explained. “See? This is why you never catch colds.” The best part was that it took Sora staring at him for a minute with an unsure expression before he registered that he was being insulted. He leaned over and punched Riku on the arm. Luckily, the angle was awkward so there wasn’t much force.

Sora laid back down on the couch. “Kairi’s a princess and I have to travel the worlds looking for her so I can save her,” he decided aloud.

“Wow, sexist.”

Sora shot him a dirty look. “You’re the antagonist.”

Riku must have done a pretty good dramatic gasp of mock-offense, because Sora amended, “Only at first. Because then you switch sides and we become this awesome, undefeatable duo.”

Riku rolled onto his back and smiled at the ceiling. Sora began humming ‘Little Town’ and Riku glanced at the television to see the musical number playing out silently. The screen was too bright so he watched it through half-shut eyes. He was starting to feel tired again when Sora asked, “Hey, do you remember when Selphie kissed you in third grade?”

”No.” Riku grumbled, screwing his eyes shut. He did remember it, but hoped this would prompt Sora to stop talking.

“Really?” Sora sounded surprised. “It was when your class went to the zoo. You were so confused you started crying and when you got back to school we asked what was wrong so you told us and started crying again. Then Kairi slapped her and told her it wasn’t okay to kiss anyone on the mouth without asking.” Sora leaned over the side of the couch to look down at Riku on the floor. “You don’t remember that?”

“I remember, Sora.” He opened an eye to see Sora staring down at him. “Why are you bringing that up now?”

“Oh, so you do remember.” Sora leaned back on the couch, hands resting behind his head. “I just thought it was cool that Kairi always had such a strong sense of justice. She’s going to do great at law school.”

“Oh, is that it? I thought you were trying to make fun of me.” 

Riku could hear the grin in Sora’s voice. “That too.”

Riku waited for a minute, but Sora didn’t say anything else so he closed his eyes and rolled onto his stomach. He smelled the rain build up in the hemisphere and the air became noticeably colder. He was starting to fade out when Sora spoke up again.

“Do you like college?”

Riku frowned. “Yeah.” He answered, not sure where this was coming from and too tired to wonder.

Sora went quiet and Riku almost nodded off before Sora asked again,“But you don’t love it, do you?”

Riku felt like he wasn’t awake enough to keep up with this conversation. “I like my major, and I like the classes.” He sat up to look at Sora. “Don’t worry, it’s a lot better than high school.”

“I’m not worried.” The movie must have been on a darker scene, because the room was lit up dull purple and dark green. “I was just thinking you never really talk about it, so I wasn’t sure if you liked it or not.” Then Sora looked at the screen and said, softer, “It’s funny. A year never seemed like that much of a gap until now.”

The feeling of his insides turning to lead creeped up on him again. The age gap wasn’t the problem. It was Riku and the constant, anxious buzzing under his skin that told him Sora would be disturbed if he ever found out how deliriously in love with him Riku was. The buzzing was working it’s way back now that Sora wasn’t half asleep or too busy sneezing to notice Riku’s behavior. 

The thoughts began rushing through his head again. What would happen if Sora found out? Before he could shrug it off the thought the helpful little voice drew up a list of the possibilities. Sora would feel like he couldn’t be himself around Riku anymore. Sora was going to start finding excuses and ways to keep himself busy until he didn’t have time for Riku anymore.

Riku’s felt like throwing up when he realized that was exactly what he was doing to Sora. 

The humidity broke and rain began to fall loudly onto the tree leaves on one side of apartment complex and onto the asphalt road on the other and onto the metal roofing above them. Riku’s mind was racing. This wasn’t fair to Sora at all. Fearing possible rejection so much that he was trying to cut ties with Sora first.

As much as he tried to convince himself being honest was better than preemptively trying to push Sora away, he couldn’t do it. Not that it mattered anyway, Riku thought. Because soon Sora and Kairi would be off living their dreams and he would still be here. Sora must have noticed Riku curling in on himself because he frowned and asked if Riku was okay. 

“I’m jealous of you and Kairi.” Riku answered without thinking and before he was even aware he was thinking it.

Sora did a double take. “What does that mean?” He made a noise somewhere between confused and laughing.

“I just wish I hadn’t panicked last minute.” Riku explained, heart feeling heavy. “I wish I had gone to San Francisco.”

“Oh,” Sora’s voice was soft. “I know, Riku.”

Riku inhaled heavily and dragged a hand through his hair. “I like school okay, but Maui’s not so great.” The next thing he knew he was getting louder. “I’m sick of the fucking humidity and I hate the vog and I hate the tourists and Maui is pretty much exactly like here but with more traffic and I never want to fucking hear Somewhere Over the Rainbow again in my life and I would just someday like to walk in any given direction and not wind up in front of more goddamn water leading to goddamn nowhere-”

Sora cut him off with a burst of laughter. He had been steadily giggling harder throughout Riku’s rant but now it had turned into uncontrollable, shaking howling and Riku started laughing too until they were both clutching at their sides.

Sora started to slow down into chuckles which alternated between breathy gasps for air and coughing before he could choke out, “There’s the Riku I know.” He had to catch his breath for before he could add, “I missed hearing your rants.”

“You used to time them, didn’t you?” Riku wheezed before doubling over again.

“Remember when-” Sora could hardly get the words out. “The English teacher asked you to-” Riku thought Sora unable to tell his story due to laughing so hard was the funniest and cutest thing he could think of and started to get light headed from an inability to breathe. Sora tumbled the rest out as fast as he could, “-talk to the SAT prep class about why it’s good to study abroad and-” He paused to reign in more laughter and finish, “-you just started going on about how awful living on a ‘humid ocean rock’ is?” He burst into giggles again.

Riku exhaled and shook his head. “God, if me back then could see myself now.”

Sora’s laughter trailed off. His brows knit together and he looked at Riku with a serious expression, sliding off the couch and onto the futon. Riku shifted awkwardly under the intensity of that stare. 

“Transfer.” Sora told him. Riku blinked at him and opened his mouth to ask where this came from but then Sora grabbed at his arm. “Seriously, you should transfer.”

The first thing Riku felt was a surge of agreement, unbelievably excited as it dawned on him that it was a possibility. He could do it. He really could finally escape this small rock in the middle of nowhere. But doubt set in. Excuses ‘like my parents don’t want me to leave’ and thoughts about complications in financial aid and transferring credits came to mind so he could cover the fact that really, he was just so scared.

Riku had to look away because he couldn't concentrate under Sora’s gaze. Instead he looked to the screen and watched as Belle flopped down on her bed, crying. The wardrobe began to comfort her. Riku licked his lips and took a breath. He willed himself to meet Sora’s eyes again.

“I’m really good at second guessing myself.” Riku told him.

Sora nodded. His hand was still on Riku’s arm and Riku firmly told himself this was not the time to get flustered over the contact. “You’re always thinking things through and asking ‘what if?’” Sora paused. “Sometimes it’s good, I guess, because I don’t really do that.”

“Fireworks in the microwave?” Riku smirked.

Sora wrinkled his nose.“Oh, be quiet you.”

“I think most of the time it’s not good though. Because all I do is make myself sick with worry.” Riku continued and Sora nodded again. Riku went quiet and listened to the rain, trying to get his thoughts in order. “I want to stop talking myself out of the things I really want to do.”

Sora began smiling that inherited smile, the one that started slow and reached all the way up to his eyes. Riku found it even harder to fight off the flustered feelings and ask, “Do think you could- I don’t know.” He had to look away. “Is it okay if I ask you to help me?”

“Yes!” Sora shook Riku’s arm, still firm in his grasp. “Would have been nice if you started asking for help a long time ago, dick.” Riku felt warm. He didn’t have the words to thank him, but he figured that Sora understood what his touched smile meant.

As Riku smiled at him wordlessly, trying to think of what to say next, he suddenly remembered, “Wait, Sora- Kairi said you might go to Oregon during spring break!”

A fire seemed to light up in Sora’s eyes and he excitedly clutched at Riku’s other arm with his free hand. “I didn’t tell you?!” Riku shook his head and Sora gave him a vigorous shake. Riku was fairly sure Sora didn’t even know he was doing it. “It’s just a maybe- but like, the yes kind of maybe I think!”

“Sora, that’s so great!” Sora’s face really was going to split any second now.

“I know!” He cheered. Riku found himself being shook harder.

When Sora finally calmed down a bit he gave Riku a sly smile. “I’m going to start making a list of reasons you should transfer.” He told him, finally letting go of his arms.

“Yeah?” Riku mirrored the expression, ignoring that his biceps felt bruised.

“Yeah.” Sora stood up and got back onto the couch, yawning. “I already have one, you wanna hear it?”

“Shoot.” Riku told him, leaning back on his elbows.

Sora took the blanket folded over the back of the couch and shaked it out. “If you go to school in California, I can take a bus from Oregon to visit you once a week.”

“Alright, I’m convinced.” Riku said, but Sora held up his hand.

“No, that’s not the best part.” Sora made himself comfortable to the best of his ability on the tiny couch, lying on his side, head propped up in his hand. Then looked down at Riku. “The best part is you can take me to Disneyland everytime I come visit.”

Riku laughed. There were moments he remembered how great it was that that they were born in the same hospital only a year and a half apart.

This was definitely one of them.

*

There was a clatter and Riku blinked his eyes open. There was a knee digging into his gut and a hand resting on his shoulder and a lot of hair in his face that wasn’t his own. Sora was half-hanging off the couch, mostly on Riku. Thinking about that while half asleep made his stomach do strange things so Riku raised his head to see the source of the noise instead. 

Sora’s mom was standing in the doorway, silhouetted by porch light and dripping wet. She was taking off her jacket and staring at the two of them with a bemused expression. He thought she might have been smiling, but it was hard to tell.

She walked over to the tv, still playing the movie. Gaston was rounding up the town mob and Riku figured only a little time has passed since he and Sora fell asleep. As she passed the futon she noticed Riku was up.

“Sorry.” She whispered, and he shook his head. 

“It’s alright.” Riku mumbled, scooting out from under Sora.

She turned off the television. “Is he any better?” She asked.

“His fever broke.” Riku told her. He could see now that she was definitely smiling at the two of them.

“Thanks for staying.” She murmured, eyes crinkled.

He nodded and his eyelids felt heavy. The rain was picking up and his eyes fluttered shut as she walked away, shutting off the light. Riku felt himself slip back into unconsciousness, but not before he heard Sora shift, muttering in his sleep. He felt a rustle of movement and Sora’s hand slid up against Riku’s chest until Sora had him in a drowsy, half-embrace.

*

The next time Riku woke it was of his own body’s decision and not from external noise. The room was bright, daylight pouring through all the windows. Riku could tell from the intensity of the light and how ridiculously hot he was under the blankets that it was past the cool of early morning. The DVR confirmed that it was 1:03 in the afternoon. Definitely long past morning.

Riku wasn’t the earliest of risers, but he certainly wasn’t the latest. It was deeply unsettling to him to have slept past noon. He stared at the clock feeling disoriented for a while until he was brought out his stupor by the smell of food. Riku decided that needed to be investigated as soon as possible. He got up to get ready for the day (what little of it was left, anyhow) and changed in the bathroom.

After putting away the bedding Riku went to find where the apartment’s inhabitants were. As expected from the smell, Sora’s mom was in the kitchen. There was evidence of preparation around her, bowls and ingredients laid out as she dropped vegetables slices into sizzling batter. Sizzling batter that smelled amazing. Sora was sitting at the dining table in the corner of the room, lazily slumped forward and staring apathetically at his laptop. They both saw Riku. She greeted him with good afternoon while Sora greeted him with good morning. 

After Sora’s mother waved away his offers to help, Riku pulled out the chair opposite Sora and sat down.

“She found out I was better and started making me do homework.” Sora grumbled. He paused to sneeze into a tissue before looking dejectedly at Riku. Riku recalled his own incomplete work and blanched.

“Are you spending the night again, Riku?” She asked in between flipping potatoes slices. “I know you were originally planning to leave tomorrow morning.”

“Is is alright if that’s still the plan?” Riku asked nervously. He was pretty sure he had slept right through all the buses to the port.

“Of course!” She assured him. “Maybe Sora will actually do his work if someone’s here to nag him.” She exhaled sadly. “I have another shift tonight.”

“Yikes, mom.” Sora frowned, looking up from the computer. “When’s your day off?”

“Not until monday. Tomorrow is a short one though, I should hopefully be home by nine.” The stovetop shut off with a click. “I need to get as many hours in as possible if we’re going to the mainland, eh?” Sora looked ecstatic until she pointed at him with her cooking utensil and added, “And you need to keep on top of all your work!”

Sora sighed and nodded, dutifully reaching his arms up onto the table and slowly began typing. “I actually have to go in about a half hour so, sorry, you’re on your own for dinner again.” She reached into the cupboard and began pulling out plates. “I thought I could at least make you lunch. You’re hungry I hope, Riku?”

“For your cooking?” Riku smiled his winning smile. “Always.”

Sora lightly kicked at his ankle under the table and mouthed ‘suck up.’ She handed them each a plate of vegetable tempura then pulled up a chair herself. “So, how do you like school, Riku?” She asked.

Riku couldn’t respond right away, mouth full of food. Sora cut in, still chewing, “He’s transferring next semester.” Riku shot him a look. He hadn’t totally decided on that yet, but it seemed Sora had.

“Really?” She asked. “Where to?”

“I’m still not sure if I am.” Riku hesitated. “I’m thinking California.” 

“Isn’t that great, mom?” Sora grinned. “You said you didn’t like me going to Oregon because I wouldn’t know anyone, but Riku would be close by.”

She turned her attention from Riku to give her son an amused look. “Sora, Oregon and California aren’t ‘close by.’”

That was news to Riku. It was clearly news to Sora as well, mouth opening and shrimp falling out in surprise. “I think it’s about a twenty hour drive from Portland to LA.” She added. Riku mentally berated himself for not knowing this. Just because things were close on a map didn’t actually mean they were near eachother. The rest of the world wasn’t an island.

Sora was quiet for a minute. “I guess that isn’t too bad.” He tapped his chopsticks against his lips in thought. “I’ll just have to visit you every other week instead, Riku.”

Sora’s mom leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms and raising her eyebrows at Sora. Sora straightened up and gave her a warning look over his laptop. 

“Mom.” He huffed.

“I didn’t say anything.” She responded, but it sounded coy. He continued to glare and she shrugged, turning to Riku. “So, got any schools in mind?”

Riku didn’t have a clue what to think of the exchange, Sora liked to complain she bullied him, but they was rarely ever tension between the two of them. “Uh,” He startled, clearing his throat to give himself a moment to recover. “There was a school I was considering last year. In San Francisco.”

“I think you should do it.” She smiled in the way that lit up her eyes. “I think you’d really enjoy living on the mainland.”

Sora looked up from his laptop. “Plus, it’s only a seven hour drive from San Francisco to Disneyland.” He added, and Riku glanced over to see Sora had Maps up, homework forgotten. His mother stared him down until he quickly closed the web browser and re-opened his word document.

*

After they had finished eating Sora’s mom allowed Riku to wash the dishes and clean up so she could get ready for another long night of assistant-managing hotel restaurants on the other side of the island. There was once a time in his life when she had tried to stop Riku, saying a guest shouldn’t be doing chores, but she had given up long ago. After she was ready she hurried out of her room, stopping to give Sora a kiss on the forehead and Riku a hug. 

Sora could be lazy and impatient when it came to things he didn’t want to do, but he was working dutifully, so no policing was required and Riku got out the rest of his homework and sat across from him.

It was quiet, only interrupted by sounds of Sora coughing or the old floor fan clicking pitifully from time to time, desperately trying to unstick itself so it could oscillate freely. It was comfortable. Riku was reminded of past time spent studying or doing homework in Riku’s room at his parent’s house, or on Sora’s living room floor, or on Kairi’s balcony. He was nearly done with the chapter review questions, working hard to focus. Sora sunk back in his chair, exhaling long and loud. “This is so boring. English is my least favorite subject.”

Riku shrugged. “Well, not that much more of it left. All the reading assignments in nursing school will be non-fiction.”

Sora nodded and looked back at his laptop with disdain. “Want to take a break and watch a movie?”

Riku clicked his tongue, not looking up from his work. “I don’t want your mom to get mad at me.”

“She won’t, she never gets mad at you.” Sora sounded sullen. “We can watch Frozen.”

Riku was almost done anyway.

*

Riku liked Frozen. He liked the songs, he liked the animation, and he really liked Elsa. He didn’t like it when Sora said Riku identified with her because Riku was also a fragile ice queen who had difficulty opening up. 

Sora was neutral about Frozen. He liked it enough to sing along and watch it every once and awhile, but that was true for Sora and all Disney movies.

Sora, at least, brought his laptop to the couch and would type more of his literary analysis now and then. Or, Riku assumed that was what he was doing until Sora gave a jubilant shout of “Heck yes!”

Riku quirked his head and raised and eyebrow. Sora spun around the computer to point triumphantly at the screen, displaying an email from Amazon. Before he even got a chance to read the message Sora was clutching excitedly at his arm and shaking it. “Finally- they’re shipping my DVD of Big Hero 6! I preordered it a month ago!” 

Riku was about to start to nagging but Sora returned to the essay so instead Riku settled against the armrest and continued to watch Idina Menzel be awesome. Sora hummed happily, but it wasn’t along with ‘Let It Go,’ and Riku wondered if it was from Big Hero 6. Was Big Hero 6 a musical? “It’ll be nice to watch a Disney movie with you I haven’t already seen a billion times.” Riku voiced.

“Oh yeah, that’s right.” Sora’s smile slipped down off his face. “You never did come to see it.” He spoke slowly, like he always did when he was trying to not sound upset. Riku blanched. He had completely forgotten, but it all came rushing back along with a dose of raw panic.

He remembered the day back in october, Sora gushing about the newest trailer and making Riku promise not to see the movie without him a grand total of eight times as they walked from Sora’s house in the rain because they missed the bus. Riku remembered feeling exhausted and afraid Sora would notice that his heart kept racing and he was barely registering Sora’s words. He remembered feeling nothing but relief when they arrived at the port and Sora said goodbye, and he remembered feeling crippled with anxiety at the thought of coming back next week and going through the same routine.

So he didn’t. He said he was too busy with class, which was true but not the reason. Being busy hadn’t stopped him before. Sora and Kairi were both downtrodden, but they said he could make it up to them next week. He didn’t do that either.

After that he just kept finding excuses. The feelings has managed to get worse, not better, in his time away, because now there was an added layer of guilt each time Sora said he couldn’t wait to see him again. 

Throughout november, Sora went from nagging him to come back, to asking if everything was okay, to saying, “It’s out of theaters next week. Is it okay if I see the movie without you?”

Since then Sora hadn’t nagged him to come back, or asked why he wasn’t coming, or offered to come visit Riku instead, or mentioned Riku visiting at all. They continued to talk over the phone, and text and the occasional skype call. But something felt different. Riku had spent a long time trying to figure out what it was. Sometimes it felt like it was Sora acting differently, but he was his usual smiling self. They still talked about the same things, even if it was less often than they used to, but Riku still felt the two of them growing apart. Something was changing.

Riku had realized one afternoon, whilst unable to concentrate on a research paper, it was all just him. It was all in his head. To some people, they might be comforted in knowing that there was no real issue. Riku just felt worse, like he did everytime someone tried to assure him it was all ‘just in his head.’ It was the most painful thing of all to know he was just inflicting it all on himself because he just didn’t know how to make himself _stop._

Then, a week ago, Sora had asked if he was coming again anytime soon. It was the first he had asked of it since november. He had even laughed and asked, “You’re not avoiding me, are you?” That was the moment when out of the choices of facing everyone or running away, running away had become the more difficult decision. He bought the tickets that night and they made plans to meet at the library after school next Friday.

Riku’s eyes were still glued to the screen but he couldn’t tell for the life of him what was happening in the movie anymore. His hands were clutching at his jeans, knuckles white. He breathed through his nose, uneven and shallow and just about a hair away from turning into hyperventilation

Riku couldn’t take it anymore. He was sick of being a pendulum. He was sick of the constant swinging between being comforted by Sora’s presence to fearing he was going to fuck up and do something to lose his best friend forever.

“I am avoiding you.” Riku breathed out.

He could see Sora freeze up out of the corner of his eyes. Sora slowly shut the laptop lid, hands tense on top of it. _”Fuck.”_ Was all Sora said, and Riku wanted to strangle himself because Sora never said fuck.

Riku took a deep breath, knowing he had to explain himself even if it let to led Sora not wanting to be around him anymore. He owed this to Sora. He finally managed to turn to look at him. Sora looked completely defeated and the sight was a punch to the gut. He lost all the words he was about to say.

Sora stared at him with those wide eyes, full of distress. Finally he looked away and made a frustrated noise, running a hand through his hair. “Fuck.” He said again, and despite everything Riku was still shocked to hear it coming from his mouth. “I thought, maybe-” Sora bit his lip. “Did Tidus tell you?” Riku’s panic was temporarily dispersed, replaced by confusion.

_“Huh?”_

Sora was starting to turn red, and Riku hadn’t seen him blush about anything since they were kids. “Did my _mom_ tell you?” He squeaked, starting to curl in on himself.

Riku wondered what it was that had completely flown over his head. “What?”

“That I’m in-” Sora flushed and flailed his arms, “Quit playing dumb, that I _like_ you!”

Riku stood up **“What?!”** He shouted. Sora spluttered, face glowing now.

“I’m sorry, sorry, fuck, I’m sorry.” Sora began speaking a mile a minute. “I’m sorry I didn’t say anything, I knew you’d get weird about it- You’re always overthinking things and _ugh,_ I just didn’t want you to feel weird about being around me.” Riku knew Sora was talking, but he couldn’t hear anything. He saw Sora’s lips moving. That was all he could find himself able to focus on. “Riku, I swear, it’s okay I don’t want anything from you, please, please, _please,_ don’t freak out.”

Riku was most certainly freaking out. He could barely register anything happening. It sounded like Sora liked him, but he was sure he must have misunderstood somehow. Riku was staring at him with extreme skepticism. Sora got to his feet as well, laptop clattering to the ground for the second time in as many days. “Riku, you’re scaring me.”

“Wait, so,” Riku desperately tried to wrap his head around what was happening. “You like me?” Sora froze, eyes wide and guilty. He nodded, looking ashamed and Riku covered his mouth with his hand and stared at the floor. 

At first it was quiet, giggles muffled by his hand. Then, he started laughing. Then his shoulders started shaking and he tilted his head back.

“Riku,” Sora hissed, slapping his hand against Riku's side to get his attention. “Riku, don’t laugh at me!”

Riku wondered why Sora was staring up at him with that nervous expression, fists clenched and teeth bared, shaking with embarrassment and glowing like the sun. Then Riku remembered he had forgotten to tell Sora something very important.

“Sora!” Riku blurted out through his laughter, clapping a hand onto Sora’s shoulder. Sora flinched. “Sora, I like you!”

The room went completely silent, albeit something about reindeers being better than people coming from the tv. “What.” Sora finally said after a full minute. Then again, louder, **_“What!?”_ ** He sounded frustrated. “Why didn’t you tell me?!”

“Uhm.” Riku looked down at their feet, removing his hands from Sora. Sora was wearing Minnie Mouse socks. This pleased Riku greatly for reasons he couldn’t explain. “I guess, I was worried it would make things weird?” He smiled nervously, more nervous than smile.

Sora sucked in a breath like he was about to start yelling at him, but it turned to violent coughing. Somewhere in his mess of a mental state Riku had the presence of mind to go get him water, and when he came back with the glass Sora took it. “You-” He huffed, but his voice was too hoarse. He drank some of it before slamming it down on the table. “I’m your best friend, Riku! How dare you not tell me you had a crush on me!”

Riku spluttered. “What? You told _Tidus_ and your mom instead of me!”

Sora scoffed. “First off, I would never tell my mom, she found out on her own. She’s a witch, okay?” He crossed his arms. “Secondly, I didn’t mean to tell Tidus. We we’re just hanging out at the skate part that one day and I guess he noticed I was checking you out and he said ‘Man, you’re so gay for Riku.’ and I corrected him, ‘No, I’m bisexual for Riku.’ without thinking.” Riku made a weird noise that may have been laughter, both because he couldn’t process the idea of _Sora checking him out_ and because he couldn’t believe what a ditz Sora could be.

Sora waved his arms. “Whatever, it’s not the point! Why didn’t you tell me?! Or Kairi?! Stop bottling everything up!”

“You didn’t tell me either.” Riku pointed out, trying to sound accusatory. It didn’t. It sounded pouty and meek.

“Yeah, but that’s because I didn’t know if it was going to freak you out.” Sora defended and Riku felt familiar guilt creep up on him. He had put Sora through the exact same thing he had been going through all year because he was too sensitive. 

“I’m sorry that I’m so hard to deal with.” Riku mumbled, finding himself looking at their feet again.

“God, I’m dizzy.” Sora flopped down on the couch and pressed a hand to his forehead, glaring at Riku through his fingers. Riku blanched and Sora sucked in a breath, voice raw from all the yelling and coughing.

“I forgive you.” Riku sat back down on the couch as well because he felt like it was the right thing to do. “Because I don’t mind.” Sora added. Riku looked up at him. Sora’s expression softened. “Everyone’s hard to deal with. Kairi can be too bossy, I know I can get really needy sometimes, and sometimes you overreact. It’s okay, Riku. I know you’re working on it.”

Riku felt relieved. A smile crept onto his face. “Then what are you mad about?” He asked.

Sora grunted, kicking at the coffee table. “I don’t know.” He grumbled. “I guess I’m just mad that we’ve been dancing around this like middle schoolers.” There was a pause and Riku looked at the screen because looking at Sora was making his head spin. He tried to focus on Kristoff and Anna arguing about marrying a man she just met, but he couldn’t, staring at Sora in his peripheral vision.

“So since when have you liked me?” Sora asked and Riku nearly choked on his own spit. He would have never imaged a day would come when Sora would ask him that question and he would be answering it.

“Graduation.” He mumbled, and looked over to see Sora was just as red as he felt. “Or, I dunno. Earlier than that. I didn’t know until Wakka’s party, though.” Sora nodded, staring at the television.

“Same.” Sora looked briefly at Riku before his gaze snapped back to the movie. He was sure Sora was as invested in the film as himself. (Not at all.) “About liking you before I knew I did.” Sora corrected himself, “Not about the party. I don’t think I figured it out until the day you moved.”

Riku thought about the day at the airport with his parents, Sora and Kairi. Nothing about Sora was off, if he remembered correctly. Sora just seemed sad, but Riku had been sad too. It was a sad day. Sora had forced him to promise to visit every week, and Riku had done his best to keep it until it became too much and he ran away.

That was the day Sora realized he liked him. Sora realized he liked him. Sora realized he liked him. Riku felt way too hot and his heart may or may not have cracked a rib with its erratic beating. All he could think was the words _Sora realized he liked him_ over and over again but he had no idea what to do with this information besides try not to die.

“What should we do?” Sora asked, looking up at the ceiling, hands clutching at the fabric of his shorts. He glanced nervously at Riku and then quickly away. “Should we kiss?” Riku stammered out some nonsense and Sora chuckled. “Maybe later.”

There was going to be a later. There was going to be a later and it was going to have kissing. Riku tried to tell himself this as incentive to stop from dying right then and there. Sora sneezed, looked down at his hand, and then held it out with an uncertain grin. “How about some of this?”

“That-” Riku flushed with a squeak. He pointedly looked the other direction. “Are you trying to ask me to hold hands or something?”

“Oh,” Sora’s voice was soft and sad. “You… you don’t want to?”

“Not want to?” Riku addressed the wall. “Shit for brains think I no fucking want to fuck hands fucking, _chee lun seen-”_ He gave up speaking and shot his arm out from his side, blindly groping for Sora’s hand. He found it and took it into his own sweaty hand.

Sora’s hand was warm and a little calloused and he was fucking holding it. Riku drew his knees up to his chest and buried his head into them, eyes screwed tightly shut because he knew even one look at Sora would be the end of him. He began shaking.

Sora was shaking too, but with laughter. “Are you okay, Riku?” Riku didn’t say anything for fear of more garbled nonsense. He nodded. “Are...are you _crying,_ Riku?” Riku shook his head but was betrayed by a poorly-timed sniffle. Sora’s laughter intensified, slumping himself against Riku’s side. “God,” Sora snorted, shoulders heaving. “I love you.”

Riku choked out a shaky exhale. Was Sora allowed to say that? Was he? “I love you too.” He mumbled and the room felt ten degrees hotter. Sora squeezed his hand. Riku finally turned to Sora, face pressed against his bicep, giggling, still in his stupid FBI shirt, his face still as red as a Hilo sunrise. Riku then proceeded to die, but it wasn’t a sad affair because it was his time and it was meant to be.

*

By the time the two of them had finished not-watching Frozen and not-watching the first half of Tangled, Riku had calmed down. But only a little because Sora’s head was on his shoulder, and he was sitting on his lap with his feet tucked under Riku’s legs. This wasn’t their first time in this position, but the first since Riku had started being unable to get to close to Sora due to the rush of panicky gay thoughts the proximity would bring. But here he was, Sora in his lap, apparently allowed to have those thoughts now, judgemental Tigger plush be damned.

A part of Riku felt like he didn’t deserve this outcome, that it was only a matter of time before this happiness came to an end. But a more prominent part of him had faith that those feelings would eventually fade and he would someday be perfectly, 100% guilt-free and over the moon about Sora in his lap.

Sora stopped singing along with ‘I’ve Got a Dream’ to say, “I guess I can tell Tidus he doesn't need to keep it a secret anymore.”

Riku smiled. “I’m surprised I didn’t end up hearing it from him. He’s kind of a blabbermouth.”

Sora rolled his eyes. “Better than my mom.”

“I wouldn’t have thought she was being suspicious if you didn’t call her out.” Sora made a soft ‘oops’ noise, popping his lips on the ‘p.’ Riku wondered aloud, “Were they the only two? You never told Kairi?”

Sora turned to cough into his shirt before replying, “If I told her she’d have either told you or dragged me by the ears until I did.”

Riku hummed in thought. “I think I should talk to her, I don’t want her to be left out the loop.” There was no urgency to the matter, but Riku found himself really wanting to talk to her in that moment. “I’m going to call her.” He bopped Sora with his shoulder. “Can I get up?”

“Nope.” Sora clung tighter, which might have been cute if he hadn’t started coughing all over him again. Riku detangled himself without assistance, a difficult feat because Sora was making it difficult. When he finally stood up Sora sighed, readjusting himself against the cushions. “I’ll miss you.”

Riku grinned and tried to recall what Sora had said last night. “I will miss you as well, my darling, best friend, Sora.”

Sora averted his eyes, smiling shyly. “Boyfriend,” he corrected.

*

Kairi picked up on the third ring. “Riku!” She exclaimed, sounding like she was at her wits end. “Quick, how would you describe me in three words?” Riku sat down on the apartment steps and watched heat waves shimmer up from the asphalt as the sun beat down on him through the unbearable humidity of late afternoon.

Riku’s lips twitched into a smile. He remembered those ridiculous questions well. He thought he may have answered with ‘Hardworking, determined, mature,’ or something along those lines when filling out similar forms last year. He considered for a moment. “Thoughtful, compassionate, and uh… what’s a positive way of saying bossy?”

She snorted. “Authoritative, maybe?” Then she mumbled, “wait, that’s pretty good…” and he heard the clacking of keys. “You’re lucky the other two were nice otherwise I’d be offended.” Her laptop clicked shut. “So, how’s Sora?”

“He’s pretty much over his cold, I think. But he’s still recovering.”

“That’s good.” He heard a noise like Kairi was flopping down onto her bed. “And how are you?”

“I’m good.” Riku scratched at the back of his neck and watched a mongoose dash across the road. His fingertips felt tingly and he was fighting back a big, sappy grin. “I called because I was thinking you’re right, I don’t take advantage of you always being there for me.”

“Oh.” Kairi sounded concerned. “What do you want to talk about?”

Now that Riku thought about it, there was a lot he wanted to tell Kairi about. About why, after spending years of his life complaining about sand and fire ants, he didn’t take advantage of his opportunity to finally leave. About how he was considering transferring, about how much it meant when she said distance wouldn’t change a thing because he really _was_ worried out of his mind about it. But Riku decided just to say what he had called for in the first place. For today, anyway.

“I have the biggest crush on Sora.”

There was a loud thump and Riku was sure Kairi had fallen off her bed. After some shuffling he heard her yell, _“What?!”_ into the receiver. “For real?!” Then a scream of _“Riku!”_ that was somewhere between empathetic and exasperated. 

“Yeah, that’s why I stopped visiting.” Riku sighed, because in retrospect everything was so childish and dumb and pointless. “I was worried Sora would find out and that he’d be grossed out, I guess.”

“Riku…” Kairi said again, this time only with the empathy. “I promise, Sora’s not going to get weird if you tell him. It’s nothing to avoid him over.”

Riku held back a chuckle. “Well, I already told him, and, uh, I think we might be dating now.”

 **_“WHAT?!”_ ** Then a pause, and then a _“Wha-a-a-a-at?!”_

“Sorry.” Riku couldn’t hold back anymore and started laughing. “Are you okay?”

“No!” Riku thought it sounded like she was punching a pillow. “My mind is being blown! My best friends are dating!” There was some more punching sounds, then silence, then Kairi, calmer, “Wait, this makes sense- _Oooh_ and that’s why Sora-” then, “Why the hell didn’t Sora tell me?!”

“He said he was worried you’d force him to confess.” Riku thought authoritative was definitely a good word for her.

Kairi exhaled, long and slow on the other end. “I guess I would have. God, you’re lives would have been so much easier if I had, though!”

Riku chuckled again, resting his chin on his knee. “Yeah, I guess so.”

Kairi sighed again. “But I’m really happy for you two. I can’t believe I never saw this coming,” she giggled to herself. “When I think about it, it’s pretty obvious.” She began to laugh harder. “I guess Sora’s dated both of us now.”

Riku thought about the two’s brief relationship in middle school with new interest. “Well, seeing as he might be my boyfriend now,” Riku was able to say the words with ease but if they had been in person she would have seen him hide his blushing face by pressing his forehead against his knee. “I guess I should know what about him wasn’t ‘boyfriend material.’”

Kairi laughed again, and he could imagine her covering her mouth with her hand as she doubled over with giggles. “Oh,” She snorted. “Right. _That._ Well, we were both just dumb middle schoolers, we didn’t really know what ‘liking someone’ really was. But…” He could hear the way her voice got when her smile became mischievous. “The reason I called it off is because he was the worst kisser.”

Riku made a sputtering sound that he hoped Kairi missed. If she had, she didn’t say anything and continued, “It felt like he was trying to swallow me or something. I mean, I had no clue what I was doing either, but at least I didn’t have braces that kept snagging on his lips.”

His face burned and he laughed nervously. “Yikes. Think he’s gotten any better?” He asked, trying to keep up the conversation normally so Kairi wouldn’t know he was currently completely losing his mind over the fact kissing Sora was now a possibility.

She clicked her tongue. “Well, that’s for you to find out.”

Riku realized it totally was. The thought of Sora’s lips against his made his heart race, hypothetical lip-snagging and all. Riku definitely did not giggle. He took a deep breath and raised his head, looking down at the road again.

There was a comfortable silence. The breeze picked up and provided brief reprieve from Sora’s hot front porch and he found himself feeling really glad he decided to call her. “Hey, Kairi?”

“Yeah?”

“I take back my three words.” He knew he was being a total sap, but continued, “I’d describe you as ‘My,’ ‘best’, ‘friend.’”

“D’awww.” Kairi giggled. “Well I should get going, but I got three words for you, too.” 

“What are they?” Riku grinned.

“Love ya, nerd.” She hung up with a click. Riku stared at nothing and smiled for a little while before standing up and stretching. Then he made his way back into the apartment to stare and smile at Sora while not-watching the rest of Tangled.

*

Riku cut up slices of potato and onion, not completely sure where he was going with it. Something involving potatoes and onions had seemed like a responsible thing to feed someone recovering from a cold. That was about as far as Riku had planned. He would figure out the rest as he went.

Sora, his boyfriend, (Sora was his boyfriend. Riku smiled, rubbing at his onion-irritated eyes with the back of his hand,) was sitting on the counter a foot from the cutting board, occasionally reaching over to swipe ingredients in between pauses of the story he was telling.

The story involved dogs, but Riku wasn’t sure what else. He was only half-listening because he was trying to focus on half-cooking, and he was only half-cooking because he had been trying to figure out how to work up the nerve to kiss Sora for about an hour now.

He had excused himself from watching Aladdin to start preparing dinner to get some privacy so he could think up a game plan. At this point kissing Sora really didn’t bring any extra risk of Riku getting sick. After all the close contact and being sneezed on this weekend, if Riku was going to catch his cold, he most likely already had it.

After ten minutes Sora had decided to join him in the kitchen, choosing his boyfriend (Riku was his boyfriend,) over Aladdin. The company was appreciated, (even if it kept stealing onion slices,) but ultimately a distraction. It was harder both to cook and figure out how to kiss Sora while having to endure Sora smiling widely and gesturing enthusiastically and being adorable. Especially his lips. Those were definitely the most distracting part.

Riku was tall, and Sora was sitting on the low counter, so his lips were just a little below eye-level. Riku had nearly cut off a finger the last time he found himself unable to stop staring at them. This time he set aside his knife the moment he first noticed his gaze cementing itself onto Sora’s mouth.

Sora was talking and his lips were moving, showing white teeth, close now to being perfectly straight, and flashes of silver metal and neon blue rubber bands. Riku hadn’t noticed himself inching closer, away from the abandoned vegetables and to the front of Sora. He did notice that just a little below eye-level meant exactly lip-to-lip-level and shivers went down his spine.

Sora was laughing and Riku was close enough he could feel the warm breath he exhaled. Riku caught something about Sora’s aunt and Sora’s obnoxious blonde cousin Riku hated but whose name Riku had forgotten among other things, like how to listen to his boyfriend’s (Sora was Riku’s boyfriend,) story or how to breathe or whether 1,000 bpm was a healthy resting heart rate.

Kissing was just lips on lips but Riku felt like he was missing the step of how to get his lips on those, 

really, 

nice, 

lips. His knuckles gripped at the countertop and he was close to passing out from air loss.

Riku wasn’t sure how long he just stood there, immobile and dizzy. Eventually he noticed Sora had stopped talking because Sora’s lips had stopped moving. Then, two syllables that involved a pull back and a purse forward. Sora’s lips repeated the motion.

“Riku.” Sora said again and this time Riku heard it as well as saw it spoken, curled up with a smile afterward. He blinked up to look at Sora’s eyes, currently staring at him, shining in the way that matched the smile. Riku’s heart stopped beating entirely.

Riku made a sudden, hasty jerk forward that made Sora reflexively jump, and they were awkwardly, nose-touchingly close but there was still a good distance between their mouths because Riku had managed to fuck up the part about getting his lips onto Sora’s.

There was what felt like two minutes of an impromptu staring contest during which Riku steadily became very red and very sweaty. Finally, Sora pulled his head back and sighed through his nose, eyes, still shining with amusement downcast somewhere in the direction of the cutting board, lips still curled up while Riku clutched at the counter, his brain helpfully trying to calm him down with a steady stream of _‘I fucked up, I fucked up, I fucked up.’_

Sora started humming, swinging his feet back at forth, gently bumping them against Riku’s legs, eyes still looking down and mouth still curved up mischievously. _“Sha-la-la-la-la-la, My oh my, look like the boy too shy, ain’t gonna kiss the girl,”_ he sang, _”Sha-la-la-la-la-la, ain’t that sad?”_ His gaze snapped back to Riku, mock-pouting, _“Ain’t that a shame? Too bad, he gonna-”_ he cut off upon seeing Riku’s death glare. His head fell against Riku’s shoulder as he doubled over, wheezing with laughter.

“Sora, don’t-.” Relatively all the blood in Riku’s body rushed to his face. _”Don’t sing ‘Kiss the Girl’ at me right now!”_ He seethed.

Sora wrapped his arms around Riku’s back, pulling him closer, still in stitches. “I’m sorry,” Sora huffed, tickling against Riku’s neck with laughter. “Sorry.” He repeated breathlessly. “I shouldn’t tease you.” Sora didn’t sound very sorry. “I just can’t believe how cute you are.” 

Riku nearly choked on his own spit at being called cute by Sora. His whole body was burning, and tenfold in all the places places Sora was touching him. The crook between his neck and his shoulder Sora’s head was resting on, the middle of his back Sora had his arms wrapped around, where Sora’s thighs rested on either side of his hips. “I’m so nervous,” Riku groaned.

Sora’s laughter had slowed down enough for him to mumble, “I’m nervous too,” against Riku’s neck and Riku bit down hard at his lip so he didn’t squeak out a weird noise. “Here, let’s-” Sora’s hands slid down Riku’s back and he straightened up, meeting Riku’s eyes, but only for a moment because Riku glanced down to take account of the proximity of their lips.

“Let’s…” Sora tried again, trailing off. His hands bunched up at the sides of Riku’s shirt.

Riku smirked, still unable to move his eyes. “Kiss?” He finished for Sora. Sora’s grip loosened for a second, then he balled up the fabric in his hands, took a deep breath, and roughly tugged Riku forward.

The first thing Riku registered was a painful clash of foreheads, the second was Sora’s nose jamming against his face, and the third was the taste of onions. The fourth was Sora’s warm lips pressed up against his mouth. That was the last thing he registered, brain shutting off and eyes fluttering closed.

Sora had overestimated the amount of air he needed to inhale, and ended up huffing out the breath he was holding against Riku’s lips. Riku’s hands were still gripping at the countertop and he unflexed them, reaching up to place them against Sora’s hips instead. Sora’s breath hitched a little and that made Riku’s stomach tie itself into a square knot.

Riku thought they were as close as possible for two physical objects to be without occupying the same space, but Sora moved his arms so that they were clutching at Riku’s back and somehow pulled them even closer together, chests flushed. Sora tilted his head to the side and opened his mouth ever so slightly.

Riku recalled Kairi’s experience and found that Sora didn’t seem to have improved very much, because the moment Riku opened his mouth as well everything became wet and rough and metal scraping at lips and teeth and tongue. But Riku also found he really didn’t care.

Eventually they had to break apart because Sora started sneezing. Sora blew his nose into a dish towel, while Riku, heart stammering and body boneless, haphazardly began cutting the rest of the vegetables.

Riku looked up to notice Sora staring at him with a strange expression. He raised an eyebrow and Sora smiled uncertainly. “I think my braces cut your lip.” He confessed. Most of Riku’s body felt numb and tingly, but if he concentrated hard enough he could tell his lips were a little sore. “I guess I’ll need to work on that.”

Riku’s heart did somersaults as he thought about the implication that sentence brought. There was going to be practice, and that practice was going to involving kissing. He must have looked as giddy as he felt because Sora asked, “What’s that smile about, hmm?”

“You always make me feel like an idiot for ever being worried in the first place.” Riku confessed, looking down at the cutting board.

“Well, that’s good.” Sora placed down the towel and slid off the counter. “Because you are an idiot.” He leaned against Riku’s side, wrapping his arms around him, making his heart thump and also impossible to cut vegetables. “I love you.”

Sora rubbed his gross, wet nose against Riku’s shirt sleeve and Riku smiled. “I love you too.”

Sora looked up at him with those fucking eyes and that fucking smile and Riku felt so comforted by this that, for the time being, the mainland, and transferring, and out-of-state tuition, and dealing with his parents not wanting him to go, and concerns about not being good enough for fancy San Francisco medical schools, and anything else the future could throw at him, seemed like nothing worth worrying about in comparison.

**Author's Note:**

> I was worried about alienating readers with some of the Hawai'i-specific concepts, and I asked some mainland friends if they knew what the terms meant and a lot didn't so here's a little glossary haha.
> 
> -Big Island: The _island_ Hawai'i which is part of the island chain Hawai'i located in the state Hawai'i. Everyone calls it 'Big Island' because calling it the island of Hawai'i can get confusing and because it's the biggest island. (Astoundingly creative, I know.) Sora's FBI shirt is real and ridiculous and I kind of want one.
> 
> -Leis: "Flower necklaces" is a bit over simplified, but gets the point across. They aren't always made of flowers, and are very important part of traditions. It's a way to honor/celebrate someone. For high school graduations people make them out of candy as well. What happened to Selphie happens at least once a year, usually to the shortest girl in the class lmao. 
> 
> -Halau: 'Hula class' or 'Hula group' essentially
> 
> -Hawai'i Pono'i: The state anthem. It is sung at ceremonies.
> 
> -Hapa: Mixed race, usually in the context of being asian/pacific islander mixed with something else.
> 
> -Kapu: forbidden, especially in the context of mistreating/defacing nature.
> 
> Other terms used that aren't Hawai'i-specific:
> 
> -Nage-waza: Nage waza include all Judo techniques in which tori (attacker) attempts to throw or trip uke(defender), usually with the aim of placing uke on his back.
> 
> -"Chee lun seen": "You're fucking crazy"
> 
>    
> Thank you for reading this!!! I really hope you liked it, writing this was such an adventure and I'm so happy to be able to share it.


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